Monday, November 12, 2007

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week's sports shorts.

Brett Favre admitted to being woozy, confused and disoriented after taking an elbow to the head in Green Bay’s 34-0 victory against Minnesota. Now he knows how Terry Bradshaw feels every day of his life.

A local real estate magnate remains poised to buy the Minnesota Timberwolves if they become available. He must really love amateur athletics.

The NFL plans to keep about 70% of U.S. households from being able to see the New England Patriot’s final match by restricting the broadcast to its own cable channel. Luckily for fans, Bill Belichick will be taping the game.

The Philadelphia Phillies acquired closer Brad Lidge and infielder Eric Bruntlett from the Astros for three players. The deal was completed so quickly that Scott Boras didn’t even have the chance to interrupt it with an announcement about Alex Rodriguez.

Dallas center Mike Modano broke Phil Housley's NHL record for career points by an American-born player. Sadly, being the best American hockey player is almost as worthless as having the best tan in a leper colony.

A new study has shown that NCAA football games are 3:21 longer than they were a year before. Notre Dame has offered to speed things up by simply punting on the first down.

A new study has shown that having an enlarged heart is the biggest cause of sudden death among young athletes. Luckily that shouldn’t affect anyone on the Miami Dolphins since they’ve repeatedly shown that they have no heart at all.

Baseball general managers have decided that first- and third-base coaches will wear some sort of head protection during games next season. Where was this rule when Don Zimmer really needed it?

Sam Hornish Jr. has announced he’ll be moving to NASCAR in 2008. The three-time Indy Car Series champ is expected to spend the next two months living in a trailer and dating his sister so he’ll truly be prepared for the experience.