Thursday, May 28, 2009

Question of the Week

James, Murphysboro, IL
Subj: Who is that bespectled man?
Who is the bespectled actor in the Verizon commercials that always appears during NBA playoff games?

Superb question, James! The actor famous for uttering the line, “Can you hear me now?” is none other than Paul Marcarelli, a 37-year-old thespian from North Haven, Connecticut. A founding member of New York's Mobius Group Productions, Marcarelli has also appeared in national advertisements for Old Navy, Dasani, Heineken and Merrill Lynch, which is how he ended up on Verizon’s radar. According to Marvin Davis, the company’s vice president of advertising, "Our casting specifications called for an everyman with something quirky or memorable about them. We looked at over 1,000 people." In case you’re wondering, the black horn-rimmed spectacles that Marcarelli wears in the ads are indeed his very own glasses.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. In this week’s installment we take aim at Helio Castroneves, the NBA playoffs, Plaxico Burress, Tom Brady, Jake Peavy, Michelle Wie, Eddy Curry, Dontrelle Willis, NASCAR, the Lingerie Football League and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

Monday, May 25, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Ricky Rubio is reportedly not interested in competing in Memphis. Luckily for him, nobody really does.

Former NFL quarterback Ryan Leaf has been indicted by a grand jury on drug and burglary charges. If he’s not careful he might just get signed by the Bengals.

The struggling Florida Marlins are reportedly open to making substantive changes. They might want to start by changing sports.

NBA sources have indicated that the Los Angeles Clippers are entertaining offers for the No. 1 pick. It’s believed to represent the first time in history the words “Clippers” and “entertaining” have ever been used in the same sentence.

Kobe Bryant reportedly took an IV and went straight to bed following game 3 against the Nuggets. Mind you, it’s Colorado, so we’re not entirely sure it was HIS bed.

The Lingerie Football League is scheduled to begin its first season in September. We’re sure it will still provide stimulus for plenty of packages around America.

The Washington Nationals accidentally sprayed fans with mangled meat chunks when they tried firing sausages wrapped in t-shirts from a small cannon. Other than that it’s been a dream season.

Marcus Camby has said he wants to remain a Clipper for life. In related news, Marcus Camby is scheduled to undergo a thorough cat scan at 3:30 this afternoon.

Volleyball superstar Kerri Walsh recently gave birth to an 8-pound, 10-ounce baby boy. Luckily, the child was whisked away immediately before she could spike his balls.

Andrew Bynum is reportedly furious that he isn’t getting more playing time. It’s nice to hear he isn’t hung up on trivial matters like, you know, actually winning.

Saints tight end Jeremy Shockey was recently treated in Las Vegas for dehydration. Evidentially whiskey doesn’t have quite as much water in it as you’d think.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Question of the Week

Dennis, Englewood, CO
Subj: Hats off to you
What’s the history of the rally cap?

The rally cap made its first appearance during the 1942 baseball season when fans of the Detroit Tigers started turning their caps inside out to help inspire their team to a come-from-behind victory. They believed that by sacrificing their personal dignity the Gods would take mercy upon their team and grant them an extra burst of luck. The unusual – and highly irrational - practice quickly spread from fans of the Tigers to the Tigers themselves and within a matter of three years baseball players across America had adopted the superstition as their own. In fact, the tradition is now so ubiquitous that it has even been adopted by the NHL, where players have been known to wear “rally helmets” on the bench. The practice was invented by Boston Bruins center Marc Savard who created the fashion trend during his time with the lowly Atlanta Thrashers. "It's like baseball when a team is down in the eighth inning," the free-spirited Savard explains. "Whatever. It's a team thing. It keeps the team closer together."

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. In this week’s installment we take aim at Manny Ramirez, Michael Phelps, David Ortiz, Ryan Zimmerman, John Lackey, Alex Rodriguez, Pete Rose, Jose Canseco and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

Monday, May 18, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

David Stern has asked Mark Cuban to apologize more directly to Kenyon Martin's mother. While he’s at it he may also want to apologize to anyone who’s ever wasted five minutes of their life reading his blog.

Michael Phelps won his first two events at the Charlotte UltraSwim. It’s nice to hear he’s smoking the competition for a change.

Tony Romo was recently spotted leaving a steakhouse in Dallas carrying a bottle of 21-year-old single malt Scotch. We hope for his sake the Scotch has aged better than Jessica Simpson.

Former NBA star Corrie Blount has been sentenced to one year in prison after being caught with 29 pounds of marijuana. Or, as Ricky Williams calls it, a single serving.

Federal investigators recently questioned Jose Canseco’s high school baseball coach. Not about steroids, they just wanted to know how anyone could stand to be around him for four full years.

Chad Johnson received some good news and some bad news today. The good news is the NFL has agreed to allow him to have the name Ochocinco on the back of his jersey. The bad news is the front of the jersey will still feature the name Bengals.

The Minnesota Timberwolves are interested in bringing back Kevin McHale. After all, he IS the team’s second best forward.

Anaheim Ducks GM Bob Murray accidentally hit a woman with a chair following his team’s loss to the Red Wings. The incident is expected to fetch him 2,000 minutes in the penalty box.

The Yankees are selling containers of game-used dirt to their fans. Wow, and I thought New York was only losing ground in the standings.

Jerry Bruckheimer is interested in buying the Sacramento Kings. Luckily his experience directing Pearl Harbor has prepared him well for epic disasters.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The odds of Ryan Zimmerman extending his streak to 56 games are 0.09 percent. Sadly, that’s still 0.06 percent higher than Washington’s winning percentage.

Mike Tyson has admitted to wanting to kill Brad Pitt back in the early 1990s because he was dating Tyson's ex Robin Givens. Come on, we’re talking about Robin Givens here; after two weeks Brad Pitt probably wanted to kill himself.

NASCAR star Jimmie Johnson has admitted he doesn’t know how to use Twitter. Then again, he also didn’t know “Jimmy” is supposed to be spelled with a “y” until last week.

Los Angeles Sparks star Candace Parker has given birth to a baby girl. In related news, the WNBA’s fan base has just doubled.

Brett Favre has reportedly been sending x-rays to the Minnesota Vikings. It seems like an unnecessary gesture since everyone can already see right through him.

Jose Canseco has agreed to fight a Gambino in a three-round boxing match on June 27. It could be the first time in boxing history where both competitors are declared losers.

USC basketball coach Tim Floyd reportedly paid $1,000 to sign O.J. Mayo. We’re not sure what’s more disconcerting: Floyd’s illegal recruiting tactics or Mayo’s abysmal sense of self worth.

Celtics forward Glen Davis has apologized for bumping a 12-year-old boy while celebrating his game-winning shot against the Magic. The kid is just lucky he didn’t eat him.

Charles Barkley believes that Jason Kidd should retire. That’s quite a coincidence since EVERYONE thinks that Charles Barkley should retire.

A streaker who disrupted a New York Mets game by jumping onto Citi Field naked except for a stuffed monkey tied around his waist has been charged with trespassing. No word yet on whether officials will also charge the monkey with being an accessory.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Question of the Week

Dave, Seattle, WA
Subj: Better athletes
Ryan, I am an Exercise Physiologist in the Seattle area and am having an ongoing debate with a client. Which group of top professional athletes are the most overall athletic: basketball players or soccer players? I have searched far and wide for stats.

ABC came close to settling this debate in the 1970s when they first broadcast Superstars, a highly entertaining program that pitted jocks against one another in a series of athletic challenges. Although the show featured stars from various sports, the athletes that won most often were soccer players. Kyle Rote Jr., for instance, won the competition in 1974, 1976 and 1977 and Canadian soccer player Brian Budd was so dominant during the ensuing World Superstars spin-off that he was asked not to return after winning the event three straight years. The dominance of soccer players over other jocks - and basketball players in particular - makes sense when you think about it. After all, soccer games are longer than basketball games (90 minutes vs. 48 minutes), there are fewer breaks in action, substitutions occur far less frequently and the playing surface is considerably larger (180 feet x 300 feet vs. 94 feet x 50 feet). Since soccer fields are so large the typical footballer runs over seven miles a game, which is more than a hoops star like Eddie Curry or Shaquille O’Neal probably runs in an entire week. I have no doubt that basketball players possess unique skills that allow them to excel at their own sport, but at the end of the day soccer players are in far better cardiovascular shape and are more likely to excel at a wider range of athletic pursuits.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. In this week’s installment we take aim at Manny Ramirez, Alex Rodriguez, Joba Chamberlain, Kobe Bryant, Barack Obama, Oscar De la Hoya, Brett Favre, Carl Crawford, the MLB Network and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

You've Got To Be Kidding

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Good news and bad news for Dave Bing. The good news is that the Pistons legend has been elected mayor of Detroit. The bad news is he actually had to live there.

A woman has been charged with stalking Eagles backup quarterback A.J. Feeley. Luckily she should be able to get off easily by pleading insanity.

Jessica Simpson has admitted to sending mass e-mails before Cowboys games asking friends to pray for Tony Romo's protection. The confession has shocked many insiders who had no idea Jessica Simpson knew how to use a computer.

Yankees catcher Jorge Posada has been placed on the disabled list. He isn’t actually injured, he just doesn’t want to around when A-Rod returns.

Mine That Bird has become the first horse to appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated since 2004. Mind you, the magazine has featured plenty of athletes hung like horses since that time.

Agent Scott Boras has said that he would like to see major changes to the World Series. In related news, Bud Selig has said he would like to make major changes to Scott Boras’ face.

Joba Chamberlain’s mother has been arrested for selling meth to an undercover officer. Authorities are uncertain if they’ll also charge her for giving birth to 230 lbs. of Dope.

Michael Beasley and Mario Chalmers were reportedly fined throughout the season by the Miami Heat. You know what they say; if you can’t stand the Heat… you’re probably not alone.

The Phoenix Coyotes have filed for bankruptcy. It’s nice to hear that NBA players aren’t the only ones that spend their off seasons in court.

A man who robbed Antoine Walker at gunpoint has been sentenced to 21 years in prison. It could be worse; he could have been sentenced to 21 years of being his teammate.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Question of the Week

Ted, Grand Rapids, MI
Subj: Baseball prodigies
Hey Ryan, is it true that Reggie Jackson was “discovered” while he was still in grade school?

That’s correct, Ted. Mr. October began playing softball in his backyard when he was seven-years-old and by the time he was 11 Jackson had become so dominant that his reputation began to spread beyond his hometown of Wyncote, Pennsylvania. That year, while playing in a sandlot with his friends, he was approached by a scout from the New York Giants named Chick Genovese. Genovese gave Jackson his card and told him to look him up in a few years. Jackson never forgot about the incident and his brief encounter with Genovese helped inspire him to follow his dreams throughout high school and college.

Monday, May 4, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The United States Postal Service has decided to give Dodger Stadium it’s very own zip code. Ditto for Prince Fielder.

One NFL source insists Brett Favre can't peacefully retire until he finds a way to get revenge on the Packers. Given his performance last season he should consider playing for them.

HBO has announced it will follow the Cincinnati Bengals for its upcoming season of Hard Knocks. The program is the third primetime show to feature the franchise following Cops and America’s Most Wanted.

A cat recently ran onto Wrigley Field in the middle of a Cubs game. Luckily it’s Chicago, so fans are used to seeing a bunch of pussies on the field.

A new book is suggesting A-Rod used steroids in high school. The claim is nearly impossible to verify since nearly every 17-year-old kid has back acne and a small sack.

The NBA is closely monitoring the swine flue since, as everyone knows, most of their players are pigs.

New York Rangers coach John Tortorella has apologized for embarrassing the organization by throwing a water bottle at a fan. We’re not sure what’s harder to believe: the fact a professional coach would stoop so low or that the NHL still has fans.

The New York Knicks will play Maccabi Tel Aviv in an exhibition game in October. You know things are rough when you have to travel 5,000 miles just to find a team you can beat.

The Milwaukee Brewers have suspended pitcher Pedro Lambertus for testing positive for drugs. You’d think a team named after an alcoholic beverage would be a lot more understanding about this kind of thing.

The Dallas Cowboys’ practice bubble collapsed following a major windstorm. The timing of the incident is surprising since the team’s bubble usually doesn’t burst until the playoffs.

European hoops star Zelijko Obradovic has decided to pass on the NBA. Broadcasters everywhere are grateful.

Nuggets vice president of basketball operations Mark Warkentien has been named the NBA's executive of the year. For those of you keeping score at home, credit Allen Iverson with the assist.