Thursday, February 28, 2008

Ask Ryan - What Might Have Been

Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment go together like fat kids and light sabers. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about Len Bias's enormous potential, Roger Clemens' place in baseball history and golf's newest confusing acronym. Read all about it at Fox Sports.

Monday, February 25, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Tigers outfielder Gary Sheffield has lashed out at his former agent Scott Boras, calling him a "bad person." It takes one to know one.

Minnesota Vikings tackle Bryant McKinnie was arrested for aggravated battery after a street brawl outside a Miami nightclub. The last time a Viking got that rowdy an entire village was pillaged and burned.

San Antonio has acquired power forward Kurt Thomas from Seattle. The deal officially gives the Spurs more veterans than a WWII parade.

New Jersey forward Richard Jefferson is on the hot seat after allegedly choking a man at a hotel party. The charge is hardly surprising given how Jefferson and the Nets have been mastering the art of choking all season.

New York centerfielder Johnny Damon has admitted that he nearly retired following last year’s spring training. Based on the way he played during the season many fans assumed that he had.

Singapore will host the first Youth Olympic Games in 2010. It will be a nice change of pace for a place where the children are used to making the athletic gear rather than playing with it.

The New England Patriots have decided not to designate Randy Moss as a franchise player. Instead the team will simply invest more money in upgrading its video surveillance equipment.

The Florida Marlins have reached an agreement for a brand new ballpark. The baseball-only complex will feature seating for 100 to accommodate all of the Marlins current fans.

260 pound Brewers slugger Prince Fielder has decided to stop eating meat. Consider this fair warning to stock up on fruits and vegetables while you still can.

Toronto Maple Leafs captain Mats Sundin has refused to waive his no-trade clause and will remain with the team for the rest of the season. That’s news to many sports fan who probably assumed that a Mats Sundin was an overpriced piece of IKEA furniture.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Question of the Week

Trevor, Des Moines, IA
Subj: Blonde ambition
Hey Ry Guy, there’s something I’ve always wondered: where does the idea of dumb blondes come from?

Great question Trevor! Although mankind has often suspected the intellectual inferiority of blondes, the idea first gained mainstream popularity in 1760 with the rather ironic death of Countess Marie of Coventry, England. An exceptionally vain woman, Marie died from lead poisoning due to the excessive amount of makeup she applied to her face and hair. Her tragic passing was viewed as being emblematic of many blondes around the country and the idea of these fair-haired creatures being narcissistic and dim-witted soon caught on. These days we can thank Marie for quality jokes like this:

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Ask Ryan - It's Good To Be King

Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment go together like chili dogs and heartburn. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about the toughest position in pro sports, LeBron James' contract status and the reason why Super Bowls have Roman numerals. Read all about it at:

Monday, February 18, 2008

Question of the Week

Desmond, Toronto, ON
Subj: Take me out to the ballgame
Hey Ryan, what’s the origin of the seventh inning stretch?

Although it's now a revered part of the game, baseball's seventh inning stretch began mostly by accident. According to lore, the stretch was first introduced on April 14th, 1910 when portly President William Howard Taft got up to stretch his aching body during the seventh inning of a game between Washington and Philadelphia. As the story goes, Taft's entourage rose as well, signaling the rest of the fans to do the same. What began as restlessness is now tradition thanks to America’s chubbiest chief of state.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Chicago pitcher Ryan Dempster has predicted the Cubs will win the World Series. Upon hearing his statement Major League Baseball immediately made him pee into a cup.

LeBron James has signed a sponsorship agreement with State Farm insurance. It’s an appropriate choice for a guy who gets hit every time he drives.

Isiah Thomas is reportedly trying to deal injured point guard Stephon Marbury. Sadly, the only person foolish enough to trade for him is in fact Isiah Thomas.

Three gamblers were ejected from the stands of a women's tennis event in Antwerp because they were wagering on their laptops. What a shame. Someone finally found a way of making tennis interesting and they got tossed out for doing it.

Veteran punter Jeff Feagles has signed a two-year contract with the New York Giants. The length of the contract is unusual for a man who’s so old that his social security number is 1.

A new report suggests that Barry Bonds may have lied to Federal prosecutors. In related news authorities are now also beginning to suspect that there is no Tooth Fairy and that most mall Santas are actually just fat guys in red suits.

Beijing will close 153 gas stations and oil depots during this summer's Olympics to meet concerns over air pollution. The move is so drastic that if visitors want to get gas they’ll have to do it the old fashioned way by eating beans.

The Houston Rockets plan to unveil a monument honoring former star Hakeem Olajuwon on April 11. The statue is expected to be twice as mobile as Shaquille O’Neal.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Ask Ryan - Tantalizing Trios

Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment go together like Cheez Whiz and trailer parks. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about the NBA's best trios, the birthplace of football's finest quarterbacks and Pat Knight's disappointing coaching debut. Read all about it at:'s-best-trios

Monday, February 11, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s sports shorts.

A sickening video of Mets pitcher Pedro Martinez at a gruesome cockfight was posted on YouTube. The video could have been even worse had Martinez been able to open his zipper in time to join the fight.

Pat Knight lost his very first game as head coach of the Texas Tech Red Raiders. It’s refreshing to see a Knight choke for a change.

Mike Tyson and Junior Seau were spotted at a trendy Las Vegas restaurant recently. Seau had the filet mignon while Tyson dined on Lennox Lewis’s children.

Curt Schilling has an undisclosed injury to his right shoulder that could cost him his season. It’s nice to hear that Roger Clemens’ voodoo doll is working after all.

Hall of Fame hurler Nolan Ryan has agreed to become the team president of the Texas Rangers. You know your club is in trouble when your best pitcher is a 61-year-old guy working in your front office.

A would-be bar owner angry at being denied a liquor license threatened to shoot people at this year’s Super Bowl. Luckily, much like the Patriot’s defense, he decided not to show up.

The New York Yankees have learned that their new stadium will cost $1.3 billion. That seems like a lot of money for a place that won’t even be used in October.

Florida Panthers forward Richard Zednik is in stable condition after he was cut by a teammate's skate during a game. On the positive side, it’s the first time the NHL has made headlines in nearly a year.

The Steelers have decided to keep the natural grass surface at Heinz Field. The decision was mad in order to give the team’s offensive line something to graze on.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Question of the Week

Calvin, Boston, MA
Subj: Two for the show
Who do you think is the greatest tandem in NCAA basketball history?

From the automatic scoring of Hank Gathers and Bo Kimble to the devastating defense of Alonzo Mourning and Dikembe Mutombo, there’s no shortage of classic combinations to choose from. However, I’m going to side with Ohio State and select Jerry Lucas and John Havlicek. From the moment they first suited up for the red and white, “Luke” and “Hondo” transformed the Buckeyes from an NCAA also ran into a national powerhouse, guiding the team to its first – and only – national championship in 1960. Havilcek, who averaged 14.6 points and 8.6 rebounds per game, was the undisputable heart and soul of the team, while the 6’8” Lucas was the NCAA’s most dominant offensive weapon. During his three years with the Buckeyes, “Luke” averaged 24.3 points and 17.2 rebounds per game and was named the Big Ten’s Player of the Year three years in a row. Both players have since been inducted into the Pro Basketball Hall of Fame and are synonymous not only with Ohio State but also with basketball excellence.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Ask Ryan - Mascot Mayhem

Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment go together like Tiger Woods and Swedish nannies. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about Jason Kidd's trade demand, the most unusual college mascot in America and the whereabouts of former NFL phenom Ickey Woods. Read all about it at:

Monday, February 4, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

San Antonio Spurs coach Gregg Popovich has decided to sit Tony Parker indefinitely because of a bone spur in his left heel. Wow, a French guy going down without a fight. I never saw this coming.

The ashes of thoroughbred racehorse Barbaro will be placed in front of an entrance gate at Churchill Downs sometime in 2009. Those who would like to pay their respects to the horse before then are advised to visit the Elmer’s glue factory in New York State.

The Charlotte Bobcats have signed free agent Earl Boykins to a $1.1 million contract. The 5’5” guard is expected to play on the shoulders of Jeff McInnis to form one complete player. Although Boykins’ contract may sound steep, the Bobcats are expected to save thousands on plane tickets by stashing him in the overhead luggage compartment during team flights.

Cavaliers forward Anderson Varejao will miss up to four weeks with a left ankle sprain. It was only a matter of time before he finally tripped on his hair.

Major League Baseball is currently investigating whether some of its umps belong to the KKK. Membership in the organization could result in an immediate suspension given baseball’s “three K’s and you’re out” policy.

Roger Clemens spent the week at a Houston Astros mini-camp where he regaled young players with stories about his exploits in the Major Leagues. In fact, the Rocket was so talkative and forthcoming that many people mistook him for Brian McNamee.

The NFL has decided to allow the Buffalo Bills to play an annual regular-season game in Canada. Now all the league has to do is convince the players to wear skates and chase a puck in order to attract Canadian fans.

Nine people were arrested in Scottsdale on suspicion of selling forged Super Bowl tickets for thousands of dollars. Authorities first became suspicious when they noticed the tickets were for a game featuring the Muncie Flyers and the Rochester Jeffersons.

A judge has ruled that jailed quarterback Michael Vick can keep nearly $20 million in bonus money he received from the Atlanta Falcons. Wow, I thought the Bengals were the only team that gave money away to convicts.

The San Antonio Spurs have bolstered their backcourt by signing point guard Damon Stoudamire. The acquisition now gives the team more veterans than the American Legion.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Question of the Week

Derek, Galveston, TX
Subj: Softball vs. Baseball
Do you think a good softball pitcher could strike out a good Major League hitter?

I have no doubt about it, Derek. The feat was accomplished on many occasions by Eddie Feigner, a flame-throwing softball pitcher who once struck out Willie Mays, Roberto Clemente, Brooks Robinson, Willie McCovey, Maury Wills, and Harmon Killebrew in succession during a exhibition game in 1967. Although Feigner never played in the Major Leagues, he did make a tidy living as the star hurler of The King and His Court, a four-man softball team that played over 10,000 games in 100 countries. Along the way, he struck out more than 141,000 batters thanks to a blazing underhanded fastball that routinely clocked in at 104 mph. He also recorded 930 no-hitters and 238 perfect games while employing crowd pleasing tactics such as pitching from center field, throwing behind his back and utilizing a blindfold. Sadly, Feigner passed away on February 9, 2007 at the age of 81. The world is a much less colorful place without him.