Friday, August 31, 2007

Funny You Should Ask


Okay Gang, it’s time for this week’s burning question. Which of the following athletes would you most like to see on Dancing with the Stars?

a. John Daly
b. Manute Bol
c. Mike Tyson
d. William “The Refrigerator” Perry

Please discuss amongst yourselves.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Ask Ryan - Animated Answers

Hi Gang,
Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment rub up against one another like Warren Sapp's thighs on a treadmill. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about the fate of the Nashville Predators, the NFL's biggest waste of space and the most memorable sports cameos on The Simpsons. Read all about it at: http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/7170342

Monday, August 27, 2007

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week's sports shorts.

Former Pittsburgh Steelers runningback Jerome Bettis has claimed that he faked a knee injury in 2000 to avoid being cut from the team. And who says athletes can’t act?

A damaged black Lamborghini registered to Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs was found abandoned alongside the Edens Expressway on the city's North Side. Unfortunately for Bears fans, the body of quarterback Rex Grossman was not in it.

Sonics center Robert Swift estimates that tattoo artists put in 120 hours of work decorating his body with new designs. Unfortunately for Seattle fans that’s still 115 more hours than he put towards his low post moves and free throw shooting.

David Beckham got in a shouting match with Chivas midfielder Jesse Marsch, after he delivered a roundhouse kick to the England star's midriff. Only in America could the best soccer fights be on the field instead of the stands.

Red Sox reliever Jonathan Papelpon has revealed his latest new pitch: a combination cutter and slider that he calls a slutter. We can only hope for his sake that Alyssa Milano hasn’t already copyrighted the term.

Barry Bonds was honored in San Francisco recently when the mayor presented him with the key to the city. Next up? A visit to the Wizard to finally get a heart.

Mavericks owner Mark Cuban will become the next cast member of Dancing With the Stars. It should be nice to see him use his feet for a change rather than putting them in his mouth.

The Houston Rockets have made a contract offer to defensive specialist Dikembe Mutombo. The offer is for one year or six points, whichever comes first.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Funny You Should Ask


Okay Gang, it’s time for this week’s burning question.

Would you prefer….
To eat a peanut butter sandwich once a day for the rest of your life
Or
To get kicked in the crotch just once by Chuck “The Iceman” Liddell?

Please discuss amongst yourselves.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Ask Ryan - Hotter Than A Snake's Ass In A Wagon Ride

Hi Gang,
Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment converge like the mafia on Tim Donaghy's doorstep. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about Bobby Cox's latest ejection, sport's most eligible bachelorettes and Dean Martin's pugilistic career. Read all about it at: http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/7147148

Monday, August 20, 2007

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week's sports shorts.

Former NBA referee Tim Donaghy has pled guilty to wagering on games he officiated. Experts believe his admission may be even more damaging than the league’s use of really small shorts during the 1970s.

A center on the Rutgers women's basketball team sued Don Imus and CBS for slander and defamation of character. Wow, those are pretty big words for a nappy-headed ho.

Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson have turned down invitations to play in the LG Skins Game. In their defense, the two golfers backed out when they mistakenly thought John Daly would be playing topless.

Former Phillies General Manager Ed Wade got stuck in a tree while skydiving. Some guys will stop at nothing to be well hung.

Giants coach Tom Coughlin surprised his team by canceling their classroom work and taking them bowling. It was an appropriate choice of activities since the Giants should spend most of the season in the gutters.

Lakers super fan Jack Nicholson has developed a serious problem in which his saliva glands have stopped working. Apparently that’s what happens when he has to go more than three months without watching the Laker Girls.

ESPN has decided not to air the NFL QB Challenge because it featured Michael Vick. Smart move. Why would anyone want to watch Vick run and throw a football when they could watch him run away from authorities and throw away his career?

Vinny Testaverde has re-signed with the New England Patriots. The 43-year-old quarterback will provide the team with an experienced backup in case Tom Brady impregnates another celebrity.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Funny You Should Ask


Okay, Gang, it’s time for this week’s burning question.

Would you prefer…
To have ears like Popeye Jones
Or
A forehead like Sheldon Williams?

Please discuss amongst yourselves.

Ask Ryan - So Happy Together

Hi Gang,
Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment collide like Japanese girls at a David Beckman book signing. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about nude gymnastics, Yao Ming's nuptials and Hank Aaron's sleeping habits. Read all about it at: http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/7129480

Monday, August 13, 2007

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you indulge in this week's sports shorts.

The NCAA is scheduled to hear an appeal on the new ban on sending text messages to recruits. The ruling has been especially damaging for Stanford and Yale since their recruits can actually read.

Czech tennis star Radek Stepanek has broken off his engagement to Martina Hingis. Apparently love means nothing to him.

The Boston Celtics are trying to lure Reggie Miller out of retirement. It’s not clear yet whether the team thinks he can still play or if Danny Ainge is simply tired of hearing Miller criticize him on air.

Scott Boras has come to the aid of Alex Rodriguez, insisting that his celebrity client has never used steroids. That’s comforting. There’s nothing like the assurance of a money-grubbing agent to put your mind at ease.

Cal Ripken Jr. has been appointed a Special Sports Envoy by Secretary of State Condoleezza. Although there were more qualified candidates available, the government simply wanted someone who would show up to work every single day.

Reds catcher David Ross was forced to leave a game against the San Diego Padres after a painful collision with Mike Cameron at home plate. I guess it’s true what they say: most accidents do happen at home.

Magic Johnson will be holding a fundraiser to support Hillary Rodham Clinton's presidential bid. That’s great news since most political pundits agree that it will take a little magic to get her elected.

Sumo grand champion Asashoryu is said to be on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Then again, you’d probably be fighting back tears too if your butt cheeks weighed the same as a compact car.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Soccer's Sauciest Swingers

Henry Kissinger once observed that "power is the ultimate aphrodisiac." With all due respect to the former U.S. diplomat, he clearly never laced up a pair of cleats. Over the years, notorious bon vivants like George Best and David Beckham have made football synonymous with the playboy lifestyle, always finding ways to score both on the field and off. Read my comprehensive list of the game’s most celebrated swingers at: http://ca.askmen.com/specials/world_cup_2006/top_20/Fernando_Torres.html

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Funny You Should Ask

Okay Gang, it’s time for this week’s burning question. Everyone always dismisses the intelligence of professional athletes, but which of the following sports contains the most painfully dimwitted jocks?

a. Basketball
b. Baseball
c. Football
d. NASCAR

Please discuss amongst yourselves.

Ask Ryan - Fun For The Whole Family


Hi Gang,
Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment converge like a subpoena on Michael's Vick's doorstep. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about baseball's most notorious nomad, Disneyland's legendary basketball court and David Beckham's alleged I.Q. Read all about it at: http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/7105592

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Funny You Should Ask


Okay Gang, it’s time for this week’s burning question.

Would you prefer…
To have Michael Vick look after your dogs
Or
Michael Jackson look after your children?

Please discuss amongst yourselves.

Ask Ryan - Hot Off The Grill


Hi Gang,
Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment collide like Lindsay Lohan into a Sunset Boulevard shrub. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about Cy Young's legendary exploits, Jon Stewart's athletic prowess and the key to a great tailgaiting experience. Read all about it at: http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/7084764