You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s sports shorts.

Penny Hardaway received some good news and some bad news this week. The bad news is he was cut by the Miami Heat. The good news is the team is still interested in signing Little Penny to solidify their point guard position.

Jets coach Eric Mangini has admitted that his team videotaped the New England Patriots at Gillette Stadium last season. Here’s the creepy part: the taping was done exclusively in the shower stalls.

Senate majority leader George J. Mitchell has released his 409-page report on illegal drug use in baseball. The report is so big you practically have to be on steroids just to lift it.

13 Ohio State underclassmen have filled out the paperwork to gauge where they might go in the NFL draft. For most of the players it was the first time they had used a pen and paper since entering college.

A new high school opening in 2009 in Tampa, Florida, will be named the George Steinbrenner High School. Steinbrenner himself has already hired and fired Billy Martin four times for the position of school principal.

The 2012 U.S. Olympic track and field trials will be held in Eugene. A somewhat frazzled Eugene could not be reached for comment.

Alex Rodriguez has revealed that he and agent Scott Boras are not speaking to each other. The only surprising part about his revelation is that it didn’t interrupt a major sporting event.

The NHL has asserted that widespread use of performance-enhancing drugs is not an issue among hockey players. Of course it isn’t. You have to make decent money before you can afford steroids.