Monday, October 27, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Baseball commissioner Bud Selig hopes to shorten the postseason by two or three days next season. Unless, of course, the Red Sox or Yankees are in it, in which case he’ll extend it by a month.

The Police Athletic League have named Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain their 2008 Athlete of the Year. Apparently Joba isn’t the only one who’s been drinking too much lately.

The Colorado Rockies have expressed interest in hiring Willie Randolph. Unfortunately they’ll have to contact him in person since he unplugged his phone nearly three months ago.

Swedish fans delayed a pro hockey game by littering the ice with dildos. In many ways it was just like watching a regular hockey game, only with fewer dickheads.

The Florida Marlins are talking trades. Specifically, they’d like to trade their fans for ones that actually give a damn.

Michael Phelps has been spotted with Hugh Hefner’s ex girlfriend, Holly Madison. Apparently she wanted a guy with slightly more active swimmers.

Albert Pujols was presented with the Roberto Clemente Award in Philadelphia. The St. Louis slugger opted to play it safe by driving to the ceremony.

Tom Brady was spotted checking out a $145,000 engagement ring in Beverly Hills. Given the state of his injury, it might be the last ring he ever gets.

The NBA’s GMs have selected Michael Beasley to win the league’s Rookie of the Year award over Greg Oden in a preseason poll conducted at On the positive side, Oden was chosen as the Player Most Likely to Receive a Senior Citizen’s Discount at his Local Multiplex.

The Tampa Bay Rays have set a new postseason record for steals in the month of October. The last time Florida was involved in this much blatant thievery was the 2000 presidential elections.

David Wright and Carlos Delgado were recently granted pistol permits. No word yet on whether members of the Mets bullpen are in immediate jeopardy.