You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Wayne Gretzky believes that Las Vegas will have an NHL team within five years. In fact, his wife is willing to put 10,000 grand on it.

Sam Bradford has called his decision to forgo his senior season the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. Just wait until he has to sign a contract with the Buccaneers.

Charles Barkley has expressed interest in becoming an NBA general manager. It should be refreshing to see GM beside his name rather than BS.

Anthony Mason owes more than $1.8 million in state and federal taxes. The former Knick is expected to shave a full statement in his hair shortly.

The Cleveland Cavaliers plan to save $40,000 by switching from paper Christmas cards to electronic ones. It was either that or charge Shaquille O’Neal a nickel every time he misses a free throw.

The Yankees have won their 40th American League pennant. It’s inspiring to see what hard work, determination and $200 million can buy you these days.

London Fletcher was spotted throwing up on the sidelines during Washington’s Monday night loss to Philadelphia. Maybe next time he shouldn’t watch so much of the game.

Andre Agassi has admitted he used crystal meth regularly during the 1990s. That certainly explains a lot of his outfits.

Jimmy Rollins believes the Phillies will win the World Series in five games. In related news, Jimmy Rollins may possibly still be drunk from the team’s NLCS celebration.

The Memphis Grizzlies have received permission to speak to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar about a position with the team. Given the fact it’s the Grizzlies that position is probably starting center.

Dodgers chief executive Jamie McCourt has filed a divorce petition laying claim to half of the team. Something tells us she probably wants the half with Matt Kemp and not the half with Jason Schmidt.

Captain Canada

Steve Nash isn’t your typical NBA player. While most of his peers are muscular mutants with single digit IQs, Nash is a hyper-intelligent, floppy-haired goofball whose passion for basketball is rivaled only by his keen interest in politics, filmmaking and sustainability. Learn more about this six-time league All-Star by clicking here.

Question of the Week

Nick, New Port Richey, FL
Subj: Magnum P.I.
Tom Selleck seems to tower over everyone on his TV show Jesse Stone. Was he ever a basketball player?

Absolutely, Nick. The mustachioed 6’4” actor was an outstanding high school hoopster who earned a scholarship to play basketball at Montana State University. However, the prospect of living in Bozeman didn’t appeal to him and he graciously declined the school’s invitation. "I always wanted to go to USC,” Selleck recalls, “but even though I was a good athlete no one was breaking down the doors for me.” So, Selleck spent the next two years attending Los Angeles Valley Junior College before transferring to USC in his junior year. “I didn't go to USC on a basketball scholarship,” he explains, “but I said, 'If I make your team I'm going to need some help,' because my parents were borrowing money to send me there.” A deal was reached and Selleck spent the next two years playing for the Trojans. Although he never became a star on the hardwood he was still an integral part of the team’s success. "My one brush with greatness--I've told Kareem Abdul-Jabbar about this--was that I was him,” he says fondly. “During practice at USC, the guys who weren't going to play in the real game would learn the offense of the team we were going to play next, and often I would be Kareem running the UCLA offense against my teammates."

Question of the Week

Donald, Waukesha, WS
Subj: Getting defensive
Has an NBA star ever been named Defensive Player of the Year while also leading the league in scoring?

You bet, Donald, but it’s only been done once. Michael Jordan accomplished that rarest of NBA feats in 1988 when he led the league with a lofty 35.0 scoring average while also playing lock-down defensive on the NBA’s best perimeter threats. Incidentally, his Airness is one of only five guards to be named the NBA’s top stopper since 1983 as the award has traditionally gone to 7-foot tall lane-clogging mutants.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Chicago Cubs have filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. The last time they were active this late in the post season was 1908.

Delonte West plans to travel with the Cavaliers to Texas for their next two games. In fact, he’s already called shotgun.

Rush Limbaugh is no longer involved in a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams. Limbaugh lost interest when he discovered he’d be referred to as a “minority” owner.

Erin Andrews is back doing interviews again. We liked her a lot more when she was obscene and not heard.

Los Angeles Dodgers owner Frank McCourt and his wife Jamie have separated. Now comes the hard part: deciding who gets custody of Manny Ramirez.

Free agent forward Josh Childress reportedly came close to signing with the Cavaliers. That was before he discovered they played all their home games in Cleveland.

A 1,000 lb. chainsaw carving of former Buffalo Bills running back Thurman Thomas is missing one day after it was unveiled. It’s never a good sign when a statue has more mobility than half the players in your backfield.

Tim Tebow is still undergoing a battery of post-concussion evaluations including computer tests, reaction tests, eye-focusing tests, balancing tests and motion-sickness tests. Fortunately it’s the University of Florida, so he’s getting a credit for each one.

The NBA has fined Gilbert Arenas $25,000 for skipping a media session. It wasn’t long ago the league would have gladly paid HIM $25,000 just to shut up.

Brady Quinn has put his house up for sale. Unfortunately for him, Cleveland’s real estate market is almost as inactive as the Brown’s offense.

A Texas meatpacking company has come up with a new line of Vince Young Hot Links. The sausages look great in the package but ultimately wither up under intense heat.

Rejection Ain't Easy

At 6'9" and 245 lbs., Miami Heat center Joel Anthony is a master at rejecting shots. However, it wasn't long ago that this 26-year-old Canadian hoops star had to deal with rejection of his own when he was cut from the varsity basketball team at Montreal's Dawson College two years in a row. Learn more about his remarkable journey to the NBA by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

San Jose is interested in acquiring a professional basketball team. That rules out the Timberwolves.

Venezuelan authorities are scheduled to exhume the body of former major league pitcher Geremi Gonzalez. No word yet on when the Mets will make him a formal offer.

Michael Vick has agreed to star in an eight-part television series on BET. The show is part reality TV, part documentary and part America’s Most Wanted.

Stephon Marbury has rejected a one year, $1.3 million contract from the Boston Celtics feeling he deserves more. The only thing Marbury deserves is more scorn and more ridicule.

Al Jefferson reportedly wants to play for Team USA at the FIBA World Championship in August. Something tells us he probably isn’t the only Timberwolve who’s already looking beyond this season.

Jacques Rogge has been re-elected as president of the International Olympic Committee. Something tells us the vote probably wasn’t held in Chicago.

The Warriors defeated the Suns 104-101 in an outdoor exhibition game at the Indian Wells Tennis Garden. The score likely would have been much higher were it not for the fact the players kept on getting tangled up in the net at half court.

The Brewers are telling teams they have no intention of shopping Prince Fielder. That’s a shame, because they could make a fortune if they sold him by the pound.

LeBron James and Shaquille O’Neal say they both want the same thing this season. And that’s to avoid being shot by Delonte West.

The Warriors say they’re in no rush to trade disgruntled guard Stephen Jackson. That’s quite a coincidence since the rest of the league is in no rush to acquire him.

Ohio State quarterback Terrelle Pryor says he doesn't regret wearing Michael Vick's name in his eye black. However, he does regret asking Michael Vick to look after his cocker spaniel for the weekend.

Wrestling With Perfection

Brock Lesnar is the latest professional wrestler to abandon the ring for the octagon. Learn why his pumped-up peers are suddenly embracing mixed martial arts by clicking here.

AskMen.com Top 49 Men of 2009

Who are the most influential men of 2009? After more than half a million votes from readers, AskMen.com has the answer, and it’s on their list of The Top 49 Most Influential Men of 2009. Learn more about this year’s movers and shakers by reading my profiles of Canadian mixed martial artist Georges St. Pierre, UFC President Dana White, WBC World Champion Manny Pacquiao, U.S. Open champ Andy Roddick and the incomparable Tiger Woods.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

NBA players are back doing two a days. Incidentally, that’s two practices a day, not two groupies a day.

The NFL Players Association has formed a committee to address the issue of head trauma among players… and Raiders fans.

The Minnesota Timberwolves are seeking another investor. Preferably one who’s spent the last decade living under a rock.

All signs point to Tim Wakefield not pitching in the playoffs. It isn’t that he’s injured, it’s just that no one wants to stand around in the cold while waiting for his pitches to reach home plate.

Marlins pitcher Ricky Nolasco struck out 16 batters in a win over the Braves. Atlanta residents haven’t seen that many K’s strung together since the last time the Grand Wizard was in town.

Ryne Sandberg is campaigning to become the Cubs’ next manager. Some people have no ambition.

Jim Brown has told Michael Crabtree to end his holdout. In related news, Michael Crabtree has told Jim Brown to stop wearing hats from 1970s Blaxploitation films.

Workers at an Arizona cryonics facility reportedly mutilated the frozen head of Ted Williams. If there’s a Hell, something tells us Teddy Ballgame will be gleefully waiting for them with a Louisville Slugger.

The Mets are cutting the price of 2010 season tickets by an average of 10 percent. That seems fitting since interest in the team has been cut by 90 percent.

Giants QB Eli Manning has a sensitive heel. It’s a nice change from several years ago when he WAS a sensitive heel.

Question of the Week

Tim, Fairless Hills, PA
Subj: On the money
Is it true that Jack Nicklaus’ is legal tender in Europe?

That’s correct Tim. As popular as The Golden Bear is in America, he’s equally beloved in Scotland, where he won the British Open at St. Andrews Links in 1970 and 1978. The Royal Bank of Scotland Group honored his extraordinary legacy on July 12, 2005 with the release of a commemorative £5 note featuring Nicklaus cradling a championship trophy. Apart from Her Majesty the Queen and the late Queen Mother, Nicklaus is the only living person ever to have appeared on a Scottish note.