You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Kellogg has announced it will not renew its sponsorship deal with Michael Phelps. Fortunately he should have no problem picking up another cereal brand like Cannabis Crunch or Honey Bunches of Hemp.

Tony Romo plans to spend the week on tour with his girlfriend Jessica Simpson. It’s unclear whether he’ll be there to support her or to keep her away from the buffets.

The participants in the NBA’s first officially sanctioned H-O-R-S-E competition will now have to spell out another five letter word: G-E-I-C-O. It could be worse: at least the event isn’t being sponsored by Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance.

The New York Mets are claiming they won’t be hurt in any way by Bernard Madoff's web of deceit. Unfortunately the team can’t say the same thing about their new bullpen.

Larry Fitzgerald led the NFC to a 30-21 victory at the Pro Bowl in Hawaii. The annual event is the only game of the season where even the kickers are guaranteed to get leied.

Alex Rodriguez allegedly tested positive for steroids in 2003. We’re not sure what’s more shocking: the fact that A-Rod was juiced or that Jose Canseco was actually right.

Animal Planet is producing a new 12-part series that will take viewers into the lives of jockeys. The program is expected to appeal equally to those who love Black Beauty and those who adore Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

The Lakers have landed Adam Morrison in a three-player deal with the Bobcats. Despite his porn star stache it’s believed to be the first three-way he’s ever been involved in.

Kelly Clark of the United States is the latest winner of the World Cup halfpipe event. It’s nice to hear of an American athlete doing something positive with a pipe for a change.

56-year-old athlete Jennifer Figge has become the first woman to swim across the Atlantic. Some people will do anything to save on airfare.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Paris Hilton was recently spotted making out with Barry Zito at a Hollywood hotspot. For those of you keeping track at home, Hilton has now worked her way through the entire alphabet.

The New York Knicks are reportedly trying to find a new home for Eddy Curry. We hope for his sake that it has reinforced floorboards.

Lakers center Andrew Bynum will be out for 8-12 weeks with a knee injury. Kobe Bryant is delighted to have one less teammate to pass to.

Shaun White has agreed to snowboard on a nine-story ramp in New York City. Apparently Michael Phelps isn’t the only former Olympian looking for new highs.

A new report shows that Baseball commissioner Bud Selig made more than all but three of his sport's players in 2007. Not bad for a guy whose fastball can be measured by an egg timer.

President Obama is sending a women's badminton team to Iran this week. Wouldn’t it have been cheaper to have just sent them to their rooms without dinner?

The NBA has added a HORSE contest to its All-Star weekend. That seems fitting given that many of its players are already hung like one.

Aging Red Sox legend Carl Yastrzemski reportedly thinks that his 18-year-old grandson has a shot at the Big Leagues. Then again, Yastrzemski also thinks that it’s 1983.

The U.S. Olympic Committee has asked for a face-to-face meeting with Michael Phelps. Let’s hope for their sake he doesn’t puff-puff-pass on their request.

A new study has found that the IQ of the average NASCAR fan is 137. It’s unclear whether that’s before or after they’ve consumed twice their weight in moonshine and chilidogs.