Monday, October 22, 2007

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s sports shorts.

The Colorado Rockies were forced to practice indoors after a freak snowstorm blanketed their stadium. It was only a matter of time before Hell started freezing over.

Atlanta has been awarded a WNBA expansion team for the 2008 season. We thought the city already had a WNBA franchise: the Hawks.

The View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck will be leaving the show to move to Arizona where her husband Tim was recently signed by the Cardinals. No word yet on whether the deal was brokered by Rosie O’Donnell.

A recent tennis tournament in Madrid used busty adult models as ball girls. The women were chosen due to their ability to stay on their knees for long periods of time.

The Atlanta Thrashers have fired head coach Bob Hartley after the team got off to a 0-6 start. The news came as a shock to many around the league who didn’t realize that Atlanta still had a team.

A woman has accused NBA star Jason Kidd of groping her this month at a trendy Manhattan nightspot. So much for having the quickest hands in the league.

Jerome James could be forced to undergo season-ending surgery to repair his right knee. On the positive side, missing 82 games shouldn’t affect his production one bit.

The Buffalo Bills have announced they are seeking approval to play at least one regular-season game in Toronto. That’s just what Toronto needs: another team that hasn’t won anything in a decade.

Low levels of radioactive waste have been found during the cleanup of the main site for the 2012 London Olympics. On the positive side, keeping the waste in place should allow sprinters to run the 100 meter dash in negative 3.5 seconds.

Wizards guard DeShawn Stevenson has said that he plans to get his entire back tattooed as a jersey. His decision is expected to lead to the most confusing game of shirts and skins ever.

French hurdler Naman Keita has been suspended two years after testing positive for massive amounts of testosterone. Authorities first became suspicious when Keita’s 35 pound testicles kept on hitting the hurdles he was trying to clear.