Sunday, March 23, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Major League Baseball Players' Association plans to investigate why Barry Bonds remains unsigned. Bonds' agent, Jeff Borris has said it would take his client just two weeks to get ready: one week to regain his timing at the plate and one week to find a hat that actually fits.

Dodgers pitcher Chan Ho Park is still angry that Chinese security forces refused to let him sign autographs for a group of fans in Beijing. The news has come as a shock to many observers who didn’t realize that Park actually had any fans.

The NBA will consider an expansion of instant replay. In related news, the NBA will consider an expansion of instant replay.

France's foreign minister has backtracked from comments suggesting he is open to a boycott of the Beijing Olympics' opening ceremonies. Wow, a Frenchman backing down from confrontation. What were the odds?

The Miami Heat hit a new low by losing to the Toronto Raptors 96-54. The loss represents the third-lowest point total in the shot-clock era and the lowest since the game was played by men named Nat, Jellybean and Dutch.

A new poll has found that more New Yorkers are fans of the Red Sox then they are of the Knicks. It’s hardly surprising considering that the Red Sox are clearly the better basketball team.

Texas shortstop Michael Young had his house egged by his teammates as part of a Spring Training prank. Although Young isn’t certain who was responsible, he has ruled out the Rangers pitching staff since the eggs actually hit their mark.

Pacers forward Mike Dunleavy recently told reporters that his father is his biggest fan. Something tells me there wasn’t a lot of competition for the position.

Personal trainer Brian McNamee fainted while driving and crashed his car head-on into a city bus. Oddly enough, the incident was considerably more painless than having to deal with Roger Clemens.

The WWE has suspended wrestler Afa Anoai for violating their drug and steroid policy. Evidentially he forgot to take them.

Former Yankees third baseman Graig Nettles will undergo prostate surgery early next month. Fortunately for Nettles, the procedure won’t be nearly as a big of a pain in the butt as playing for George Steinbrenner.

New York Giants' season ticket holders will have to pay $7 more per ticket to watch the Super Bowl champions next season. Fans who can’t afford the pay increase can simply borrow Bill Belichick’s tapes of the games.