Monday, May 26, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Dodgers have placed center fielder Andruw Jones on the 15-day disabled list because of an injured right knee. The timing is especially unfortunate since Jones had finally gotten fat enough to patrol the entire outfield without actually moving.

Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester has revealed that his father has cancer, and unfortunately for the Lester family, it’s not the kind of cancer that helps you throw no-hitters.

Red Wings forward Johan Franzen has been cleared by doctors to play in Game 2 of the Stanley Cup Finals. The news comes as a surprise to many observers who didn’t realize that the NHL lockout was finally over.

Former Mets and Red Sox pitcher Geremi Gonzalez was killed after being hit by lightning. We always suspected God was a Yankees fan.

Derek Jeter was forced out of a game against the Baltimore Orioles after being hit on the hand by a pitch. X-rays were negative, just like everything else about the Yankees.

The Chicago Bulls defied the odds by winning the NBA draft lottery despite having just a 1.7 percent chance of landing the top choice. Incidentally, that’s also the same chance the New York Knicks now have of reaching the playoffs.

Mike Piazza has decided to retire from baseball after discussing his options with his wife, his family and his agent. No word yet on what his boyfriend had to say.

Jason Taylor is planning to boycott the Miami Dolphins’ training camp. The defensive end intends to stay away for as long as it takes until the team agrees to incorporate more ruffles in their uniforms.

Major League Baseball may experiment with instant replay during the Arizona Fall League. In related news, Major League Baseball may experiment with instant replay during the Arizona Fall League.

Reports have surfaced that Kobe Bryant is having an affair with former Lakers Girl Vanessa Curry. The news is hardly surprising. After all, if Bruce Bowen can’t stop him from scoring, what chance does Kobe’s wife have?

An Atlanta Braves fan has serious head injuries after falling from the stands at Turner Field. The man fell so quickly and dramatically that many people mistook him for the Mets.