Monday, July 6, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Joe Dumars has said he’d like to have a new coach for the Pistons by July 7. It’s nice to know that at least one company in Detroit is still hiring.

Randy Johnson could be headed to the DL with a strained shoulder. No word yet on whether he also pulled his Big Unit.

The Jazz are interested in trading Carlos Boozer. It certainly won’t be the first time that a Boozer has been forced out of Salt Lake City.

Titans quarterback Vince Young says he’s been hit hard by the death of Steve McNair. In all fairness, we think it probably hit Steve McNair a little harder.

Daniel and Henrik Sedin have agreed to identical five-year contract extensions with the Vancouver Canucks. In fact, the contracts look so much alike that only their parents can tell them apart.

A game between San Diego and Houston was delayed by 52 minutes when a swarm of bees took over left field at Petco Park. Apparently not even God wanted to see another Padres game.

The Cleveland Indians have traded minor league pitcher John Meloan to the Tampa Bay Rays for righthander Winton Abreu. If you’ve heard of either of these players you officially watch too much baseball.

Lance Armstrong finished 10th in the opening stage of the Tour de France: just good enough to make doping officials suspicious, but not so good as to completely piss off the French.

Roger Clemens' lawyer says the pitcher was not among the more than 100 players who tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in 2003. Unfortunately Clemens did test positive for being a douchebag every year from 1984 onwards.

Washington Nationals pitcher Joe Beimel has said he’d like to go to another team. In all fairness, Washington’s entire front office has also said the same thing.

Swiss sensation Roger Federer has won his sixth Wimbledon title. However, Federer did have a major advantage since his racket also turned into a knife, a bottle opener and a compass.