Monday, April 12, 2010

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Evander Holyfield knocked out Frans Botha to win the WBF Heavyweight Title. It’s the biggest victory Holyfield has had since the Civil War.

Texas Stadium has been reduced to a useless pile of dust… just like Jerry Jones.

Dwyane Wade reportedly lost $1.5 million on the sale of his South Florida home. Luckily playing for the Heat has prepared him well for dealing with big losses.

Butler has given Brad Stevens a 12-year, multimillion dollar deal to continue coaching the Bulldogs. That’s a lot of money for someone who’s not even old enough to shave.

Umpire Joe West has called the Yankees and Red Sox a disgrace to baseball. He’s obviously never had to officiate a Pirates-Nationals game.

Brewers pitcher Jeff Suppan is on the disabled list with a stiff neck after sleeping on a rolled-up towel. The veteran hurler said he learned his lesson and next time will sleep on Prince Fielder’s soft pillowy gut instead.

Georgia police have finished probing quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. No word yet on whether Ben Roethlisberger has finished probing Georgia college students.

Phil Mickelson has won his third Masters title. The veteran golfer now has more ugly jackets than Don Cherry.

Tiger Woods finished five strokes behind at The Masters. Fortunately he’s used to taking extra strokes now that his wife has him on lockdown.

Philadelphia head coach Eddie Jordan says he isn’t interested in coaching Rutgers. That’s hardly surprising since he doesn’t appear to be very interested in coaching the Sixers either.

The sale of the New Jersey Nets to Mikhail Prokhorov is in jeopardy. Apparently he finally saw them play.