You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

John Daly recently posted his worst score ever in a regular PGA Tour event. In fact, his score was so high many observers mistook it for his blood alcohol level.

Arizona runningback Beanie wells has lost 22 pounds since April. His ability to lose big makes him a perfect fit for the Cardinals.

Heavy rainfalls postponed the Pocono Cup. On the positive side, many NASCAR fans were treated to their first shower in nearly a month.

Lamar Odom has signed a three year extension with the Los Angeles Lakers. Specifics weren't discussed, but Odom should have no problem maintaining his strict diet of Laffy Taffy and Peppermint Puffs for many years to come.

Former Cy Young Award winner Cliff Lee says he feels no pressure after joining the Phillies. In fact, after leaving Cleveland all he feels is relief.

Injured infielder Jose Reyes was recently spotted dancing all night at a Latino hotspot in Washington Heights. In his defense, he was just ecstatic not to be watching the Mets.

Detroit Tigers reliever Joel Zumaya is scheduled to have season-ending shoulder surgery in August. His season is ending so early it’s almost as if he plays for the Detroit Lions.

Insiders believe Ricky Rubio is still two years away from joining the NBA. And one million years away from joining the Minnesota Timberwolves.

Titans runningback LenDale White has dropped 30 pounds over six months simply by giving up tequila. John Daly once tried the same thing and all he lost was six months.

Jamaal Tinsley is looking for a one-year deal with either New York or Miami. Strippers in both towns are awaiting his decision with baited breath.

Nuggets guard J.R. Smith has been released from a New Jersey jail. It’s not what you think – he was just there to get more tattoos.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Cyclist Lance Armstrong was spotted dining with Matt Damon at a posh club in Miami. Sounds like another case of three nuts out on the town.

Forward Anderson Varejao told reporters he’s happy to be back with the Cavaliers. His announcement marks the first time in history that anyone has been excited about moving to Cleveland.

The Los Angeles Dodgers have agreed to a 2-year, $36.2 million deal with centerfielder Andruw Jones. For those of you keeping track at home that’s $500,000 for every single hit.

Two Texas A&M football players have been charged in an alleged armed robbery of a College Station apartment. Luckily it’s Texas A&M so they should get a credit for it.

Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry won his appeal of a one-year suspension over a failed drug test. Just as importantly, no one was impregnated during the proceedings.

Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo has reportedly been sending daily gifts to Jessica Simpson. Let’s hope for his sake Terrell Owens doesn’t get upset that he’s no longer his top receiver.

David Beckham has earned the job of being the official backstage photographer for the SPICE GIRLS. That is, assuming he doesn’t get injured.

Injured Buffalo Bills tight end Kevin Everett is now walking on his own at a Houston rehab center. Although he’s still months away from running, doctors are happy to report that Everett already has more mobility that J.P. Losman.

Forbes magazine has named the New York Knicks the NBA’s most valuable franchise. Non one is happier about the news than the team’s majority stock holder, Anucha Browne Sanders.

Reports have surfaced that former Vancouver Canucks coach Marc Crawford ordered Todd Bertuzzi’s hit on Colorado forward Steve Moore. On the positive side, it’s the first time that NHL has been front page news in nearly three years.

Indiana Pacers guard Jamaal Tinsley and several companions were targeted in a shooting outside a downtown Indianapolis hotel. Luckily most of the shots missed wildly, leading police to suspect that one of the shooters may have been fellow teammate Troy Murphy.

Vladimir Guerrero has almost fully recovered from an irritated right triceps injury that prevented him from playing right field for the Angels at the end of the season. With a little bit of luck he’ll be back to hitting balls ten feet out of the strike zone in no time.