Monday, January 7, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Martina Hingis has been banned for two years for testing positive for cocaine. Officials first became suspicious when they noticed her trying to snort the service line at Wimbledon.

The Dolphins have fired head coach Cam Cameron after a disastrous 1-15 season. On the positive side, that would actually count as a winning streak if he were coaching the Knicks.

Isiah Thomas has boldly predicted the New York Knicks will win a championship. What he failed to mention is that it will be in the WNBA.

Raptors guard T.J. Ford has been diagnosed with spinal stenosis, a condition which results in a loss of feeling in his arms when he collides with something. In other words, this Ford is a lot like a Pinto.

Ron Artest has said that he would approve a trade to his hometown Knicks. If nothing else it will finally give New York fans a reason to stay alert in the stands.

Marion Jones has asked a federal judge not to send her to jail for lying about steroids. That’s understandable. Given the amount of testosterone in her body she’d probably end up in a men’s prison.

Kim Kardashian has her publicity team working overtime to squelch rumors that she's engaged to football star Reggie Bush. What more does this guy have to do to get a ring?

Former All-Star pitcher Gerry Staley has died at the age of 87. No word yet on whether his present state will dissuade the Yankees from trying to sign him.

Former NBA star Isaiah Rider has been placed in custody on outstanding arrest warrants. The incident is believed to represent the first time in over a decade that the words “Isaiah Rider” and “Outstanding” have been used in the same sentence.