You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Oakland A’s are thinking of relocating to San Jose. The only question that remains is whether anyone in Oakland will actually notice.

The New Jersey Nets have reached a deal to move their regular-season games to Newark's Prudential Center. Apparently the Hoboken Sportsplex was already booked.

The New York Knicks have now traded enough players, waived enough assets and cleared enough salary cap room to acquire LeBron James. In fact, the only thing they haven’t done is given him a team worth joining.

Tiger Woods says he still loves his wife very much. Well sure, he’d say anything to get his three iron back.

Johan Santana recently told reporters he’s the best pitcher in the National League. And the most humble.

Wizards GM Ernie Grunfeld has said that Gilbert Arenas will stay in Washington. Mainly because his ankle bracelet beeps every time he tries to leave.

Pau Gasol believes Kevin Garnett is extremely limited. And we believe Gasol’s lifespan may be extremely limited once Garnett finds out.

Serena Williams has enrolled in a 240-hour program to become a certified nail technician. It’s nice to know she’ll have something to fall back on in case this whole tennis thing doesn’t pan out.

An al-Qaida-linked guerrilla group has been threatening several teams at the men’s field hockey World Cup. It’s nice to know that at least someone is following the sport.

Yankees GM Brian Cashman says he’s surprised Johnny Damon is going to Detroit. In fact, ANYONE who’s been to Detroit is surprised he’s going there.

Ozzie Guillen has agreed to be the subject of a reality show this season. Censors are standing by.

The inventor of the Frisbee has died at the age of 90. Mourners plan to throw his body over an open field before being burying it later this week.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Vanilla Ice recently performed at halftime of a Nets-Raptors game. Haven’t those poor fans already suffered enough?

Tom Watson believes Tiger Woods needs to show some humility when he returns to golf. Watson noted it would also help if Woods doesn’t try to bone every woman in sight.

A game between the Atlanta Hawks and Washington Wizards was postponed because of a massive blizzard. Apparently God really is merciful.

Danica Patrick was repeatedly bumped from the front, side and back at her first stockcar event. And that was before she even made it onto the track.

Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith were both reduced to tears at their Hall of Fame induction ceremony. You’d cry too if you were in a club that included Michael Irvin.

Several of Tyreke Evans’ teammates believe he hogs the ball. The news has come as a shock to Evans who didn’t realize he HAD teammates.

Donald Sterling has allegedly reached out to Isiah Thomas to run the Clippers… into the ground.

Chris Paul will be on crutches for three weeks following knee surgery. Sadly, he’ll still be more mobile than Emeka Okafor.

The demolition of Giants Stadium is now underway. The event has attracted little attention since New York sports fans are accustomed to huge collapses.

The British Olympic Ski and Snowboard Federation has gone bankrupt. That’s what happens when you have to travel 10,000 miles just to find snow.

Pau Gasol is reportedly frustrated by his lack of touches. We’re not sure whether that’s an issue for Lakers management or for his wife

Brandon Roy, Chris Paul, Carmelo Anthony, Kevin Garnett, Allen Iverson and Kobe Bryant could all miss the NBA All-Star Game. Things are so bleak that the commissioner now has Pops Mensah-Bonsu on speed dial.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Pau Gasol has agreed to a three-year extension with Lakers. That’s good news for Pau Gasol and even better news for the blind guy who trims his beard.

Ron Artest suffered a concussion after falling down his stairs. Apparently the locker room isn’t the only place he drinks heavily.

Sarah Thomas has made history by becoming the first woman to officiate a college bowl game. It helps that there are 7,000 of them.

Clippers forward Blake Griffin has been cleared for tougher workouts. Now comes the hard part: finding a tougher team to work out with.

Roy Halladay has revealed that 16 professional baseball teams showed interest in signing him. 17 if you count the Mets.

Michael Vick has won the Ed Block Courage Award. Something tells us Ed Block was probably not a dog person.

Matt Capps has signed a one-year deal with the Washington Nationals. The veteran reliever will earn $3.5 million, or approximately $1.75 million for each save opportunity.

Eddie Guardado has signed a minor league contract with the Washington Nationals. Of course, any contract with the Nationals is a minor league one.

Eddy Curry says he’s frustrated with his role on the Knicks. You’d be frustrated too if your role was to provide shade for your 11 teammates.

Rihanna is now dating Dodgers outfielder Matt Kemp. We always figured she’d end up with a guy who couldn’t hit.

Ask Ryan - Mascot Mayhem

Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment go together like Tiger Woods and Swedish nannies. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about Jason Kidd's trade demand, the most unusual college mascot in America and the whereabouts of former NFL phenom Ickey Woods. Read all about it at: http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/7771016