Thursday, July 31, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Shawn Kemp is on the verge of joining a professional team in Italy. The former Sonics star is already brushing up on his Italian by learning key phrases like “restaurant”, “train station” and “paternity suit”.

Yankees catcher Jorge Posada has opted to have season-ending shoulder surgery. It’s a shame he doesn’t play for the Nationals since their season ended months ago.

Bills' running back Marshawn Lynch won't be punished by the NFL for his involvement in a hit-and-run accident. In the end, the league felt that spending six months in Buffalo was punishment enough.

Diminutive Hall of Fame jockey Kent Desormeaux rode his 5,000th winner Sunday in the seventh race at Saratoga. Desormeaux plans to race for one more year before retiring and becoming a hood ornament.

Nets center Nenad Krstic is trying to decide between playing in New Jersey or Russia next season. One place is a socially backwards, culturally depraved wasteland and the other is the biggest country in the world.

All-Star shortstop Michael Young could miss up to a week after suffering a small fracture in his right ring finger. It’s believed to be the first time in franchise history that the Rangers and rings have been mentioned in the same sentence.

The Clippers have signed veteran Ricky Davis to a multiyear contract. The high-scoring swingman had an excellent season last year, shooting 43.3 percent from the floor, 40.5 percent on 3-pointers and 78.7 percent on his own basket.

Disgraced ex-NBA official Tim Donaghy has been sentenced to 15 months in prison for his involvement in a gambling scandal. On the positive side, Donaghy’s referee uniform should provide him with the perfect camouflage for surviving behind bars.

Tickets for the NBA preseason match up between the Miami Heat and the New Jersey Nets in London have sold out three months before the game. With any luck both teams might just stay there.

A new report has shown that since 2002, 46 Penn State football players have been charged with 163 criminal complaints. The team has run afoul of the law on so many occasions that Penn State now has more repeat offenders than the State Pen.