Monday, July 7, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

A-Rod’s wife has filed for a divorce, claiming that Rodriguez has "abandoned” her. Now she knows how the Yankees feel every September.

The San Antonio Spurs have asked Manu Ginobili to not play in this summer’s Olympics. Coincidentally, so has the U.S. team.

The asterisk-branded ball that Barry Bonds hit for career homer No. 756 will be headed to the Hall of Fame after all. Bonds’ head must be swelling with pride… or steroids, one or the other.

John Daly wowed a crowd at the Buick Pro-Am by hitting a golf ball off of an empty beer can. If there’s one thing Daly knows how to do, it’s drink and drive. The only thing that would have wowed the crowd more is if Daly had left a beer can unopened.

Georgia's bulldog mascot, Uga VI, was buried today at Sanford Stadium after passing away over the weekend. The death came as a surprise since the Bulldogs generally don’t collapse until much later in the season.

Fox will ask every player, manager and coach in the MLB All-Star Game to wear a microphone, which is a wonderful idea… if you speak Spanish.

U.S. Basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski insists this year’s Olympians are not going to Beijing “to sell shoes.” Indeed, they’re going there to visit the five-year-olds who make their shoes.

George W. Bush has announced he will attend the opening ceremonies of the Olympics in Beijing. The President should be right at home in the city since he’s used to being in a constant haze.

Rotund Celtics forward Glen “Big Baby” Davis was recently spotted in the Bahamas... all the way from Florida.

The Harlem Globetrotters selected Patrick Ewing, Jr. as the top pick in the team's annual draft. The Georgetown product was selected just ahead of a basketball on a string and a bucketful of confetti.

Good news and bad news for Notre Dame football boosters. The good news is coach Charlie Weis is privately projecting anywhere from nine to 12 victories for his team this year. The bas news is he’s also projecting a 100-game schedule.

The Kansas City Chiefs have released a fan code of conduct stating that standing and/or obstructing the view of other fans is not allowed at Arrowhead Stadium. Luckily that shouldn’t be a problem since the Chiefs rarely gives their fans any reason to stand up and cheer.