You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The U.S. won bronze in men’s gymnastics. Of course, the only thing worse than finishing third is admitting you’re a male gymnast in the first place.

Michael Phelps is 5 for 5 after another record breaking swim in the 4 x 200. Phelps is doing so well that his coach plans to reward him by throwing him two extra mackerel from his big pail of fish.

China beat the U.S. to win gold in women’s gymnastics. The team’s members are now free to concentrate on their next challenge of hitting puberty.

Benjamin Boukpeti helped Togo win its first ever Olympic medal by picking up a surprise bronze in the men’s slalom kayak event. Now all Boukpeti has to do is learn how to fire an arrow, throw a javelin and ride a horse to help Togo catch up to America in the overall medal standings.

The Arizona Diamondbacks have acquired major league homerun leader Adam Dunn from the Cincinnati Reds for minor-league pitcher Dallas Buck. Insiders are still amazed that Dunn could be had for a single Buck.

Kenny Chesney recently strapped on the pads and took part in a New Orleans Saints football practice. Chesney’s appearance left many players awestruck, since they had never played with someone who had made a meaningful hit.

The Red Sox have called up knuckleballer Charlie Zink from their Triple A affiliate in Pawtucket. It’s uncertain who Boston will promote next now that they’ve worked their way through the entire alphabet.

The Kansas City Royals plan to close off several seating sections for the remainder of the season as Kauffman Stadium continues to undergo renovations. No word yet on how this will affect the team’s three fans.

The Bucks are looking to acquire point guard Luke Ridnour in a trade involving three different teams. There’s nothing like being involved in a three-way to take the edge off of moving to Milwaukee.

Cincinnati is considering signing free-agent cornerback Ty Law. It’s a surprising turn of events since the Bengals generally run away from the Law.