Monday, February 23, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The San Antonio Spurs beat the Wizards to wrap up a 19-day road trip. Many of the players have been away from home for so long they can’t even remember what their illegitimate children look like.

Brewers slugger Ryan Bruan has launched his very own clothing line. In related news, Prince Fielder has launched his very own line of tarps.

Jason Giambi says he’s impressed with the candor of his former teammate Alex Rodriguez. We’re impressed that Giambi even knows what candor means.

A surgeon has admitted that Amar’e Stoudemire’s damaged eye may still need some more work. Luckily, it’s nothing compared to the work his defense still needs.

ESPN plans to use 26 cameras for its broadcast of the Bassmaster Classic. For those of you keeping track, that’s one camera for every viewer at home.

Charlie Weis has announced he will once again handle Notre Dame’s offensive-coordinator duties. That makes sense since his play-calling has been incredibly offensive over the past three years.

Longtime Jazz owner Larry H. Miller has died at the age of 64. Given the fact he lives in Utah we’re guessing the cause of death was boredom.

Doctors have advised Northeastern tight end Brian Mandeville to retire. It’s hard to say what concerns them more: the fact that his heart ailment could result in instantaneous death, or the fact that he could get drafted by the Lions.

Alex Rodriguez has hired the same lawyer who represented Sammy Sosa before congress. It could be worse: he could have hired the same dialect coach.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger recently told reporters that drugs have no place in sports. Luckily for him, they still have a prominent place in politics.