Monday, February 2, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Cardinals are feeling plenty of heat after coughing up a lead with 35 seconds to go in Super Bowl XLIII. But as they say in Arizona, it’s a dry heat.

Gatorade has officially re-branded itself as “G.” Sadly, their splashy Super Bowl commercials were the only G-Spots most men will ever see.

Kurt Warner was handed the NFL Man of the Year trophy just before kickoff. Of course, as every one knows, real men win rings, not trophies.

A Japanese sumo wrestler has been arrested and accused of marijuana possession. Police were unable to definitively confirm whether he was carrying pot since they only had seven hours to examine his various folds of fat.

David Wells has fired back at Joe Torre, claiming the manager unfairly criticized his ex-players in his new book, The Yankee Years. The news has come as a surprise to many observers who didn’t realize that David Wells could actually read.

Michael Irvin is producing a new reality TV show in which he'll give one guy off the street a spot on the Dallas Cowboys. Wait a second, didn’t they do that last year with Pacman Jones?

Terrell Owens has agreed to star in a VH-1 reality show loosely based on the network’s previous hit, “Scott Baio Is 45 & Single.” The new show has been tentatively titled, “Terrell Owens is 35 and Unbearable.”

Former Heavyweight Champion Ingemar Johansson has passed away at the age of 76. His death is particularly saddening for Evander Holyfield, who was hoping to fight him sometime next month.

Michael Vick could be transferred to a halfway house in Virginia any day now. It should be a nice change of pace from the doghouse he’s been in for the last year and a half.

Golden State rookie Anthony Randolph has fired his agent B.J. Armstrong. It’s believed to be the first time in modern history that a professional athlete has knowingly turned down a B.J.

Josh Howard has said that he would like to stay in Dallas. His dealer couldn’t be happier.