Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. In this week’s installment we take aim at the NBA Finals, Kobe Bryant, Jameer Nelson, Lamar Odom, TNT, Joba Chamberlain, Brett Favre, Stephon Marbury, John Smoltz and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

Question of the Week

Chuck, Seymour, MS
Subj: The Andy man
I heard Andy Garcia used to be a basketball player. Was he any good?

Absolutely, Chuck. Garcia was an outstanding guard with quick hands and a decent outside touch. Unfortunately his high school career came to a crashing halt during his senior year when he came down with a nasty case of mono, followed by a bout of hepatitis. “I got derailed,” he recalls. “I couldn’t exercise for close to six months.” Garcia’s lack of stamina forced him to switch his focus and he started getting involved with school plays instead. Although Garcia was forced to shelve his dreams of becoming a basketball star, he still follows the game closely as a Los Angeles Lakers season ticket holder. “The Lakers were one of the teams I followed when I was a kid in Florida because of Jerry West and Wilt Chamberlain and Elgin Baylor,” he says fondly. “We didn't have a team in Florida. And my first exposure was watching the games on television. We wouldn't have games on TV every night, but when the Lakers were in the playoffs you'd get much more exposure to them.”

Question of the Week

James, Murphysboro, IL
Subj: Who is that bespectled man?
Who is the bespectled actor in the Verizon commercials that always appears during NBA playoff games?

Superb question, James! The actor famous for uttering the line, “Can you hear me now?” is none other than Paul Marcarelli, a 37-year-old thespian from North Haven, Connecticut. A founding member of New York's Mobius Group Productions, Marcarelli has also appeared in national advertisements for Old Navy, Dasani, Heineken and Merrill Lynch, which is how he ended up on Verizon’s radar. According to Marvin Davis, the company’s vice president of advertising, "Our casting specifications called for an everyman with something quirky or memorable about them. We looked at over 1,000 people." In case you’re wondering, the black horn-rimmed spectacles that Marcarelli wears in the ads are indeed his very own glasses.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. In this week’s installment we take aim at Helio Castroneves, the NBA playoffs, Plaxico Burress, Tom Brady, Jake Peavy, Michelle Wie, Eddy Curry, Dontrelle Willis, NASCAR, the Lingerie Football League and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Ricky Rubio is reportedly not interested in competing in Memphis. Luckily for him, nobody really does.

Former NFL quarterback Ryan Leaf has been indicted by a grand jury on drug and burglary charges. If he’s not careful he might just get signed by the Bengals.

The struggling Florida Marlins are reportedly open to making substantive changes. They might want to start by changing sports.

NBA sources have indicated that the Los Angeles Clippers are entertaining offers for the No. 1 pick. It’s believed to represent the first time in history the words “Clippers” and “entertaining” have ever been used in the same sentence.

Kobe Bryant reportedly took an IV and went straight to bed following game 3 against the Nuggets. Mind you, it’s Colorado, so we’re not entirely sure it was HIS bed.

The Lingerie Football League is scheduled to begin its first season in September. We’re sure it will still provide stimulus for plenty of packages around America.

The Washington Nationals accidentally sprayed fans with mangled meat chunks when they tried firing sausages wrapped in t-shirts from a small cannon. Other than that it’s been a dream season.

Marcus Camby has said he wants to remain a Clipper for life. In related news, Marcus Camby is scheduled to undergo a thorough cat scan at 3:30 this afternoon.

Volleyball superstar Kerri Walsh recently gave birth to an 8-pound, 10-ounce baby boy. Luckily, the child was whisked away immediately before she could spike his balls.

Andrew Bynum is reportedly furious that he isn’t getting more playing time. It’s nice to hear he isn’t hung up on trivial matters like, you know, actually winning.

Saints tight end Jeremy Shockey was recently treated in Las Vegas for dehydration. Evidentially whiskey doesn’t have quite as much water in it as you’d think.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The odds of Ryan Zimmerman extending his streak to 56 games are 0.09 percent. Sadly, that’s still 0.06 percent higher than Washington’s winning percentage.

Mike Tyson has admitted to wanting to kill Brad Pitt back in the early 1990s because he was dating Tyson's ex Robin Givens. Come on, we’re talking about Robin Givens here; after two weeks Brad Pitt probably wanted to kill himself.

NASCAR star Jimmie Johnson has admitted he doesn’t know how to use Twitter. Then again, he also didn’t know “Jimmy” is supposed to be spelled with a “y” until last week.

Los Angeles Sparks star Candace Parker has given birth to a baby girl. In related news, the WNBA’s fan base has just doubled.

Brett Favre has reportedly been sending x-rays to the Minnesota Vikings. It seems like an unnecessary gesture since everyone can already see right through him.

Jose Canseco has agreed to fight a Gambino in a three-round boxing match on June 27. It could be the first time in boxing history where both competitors are declared losers.

USC basketball coach Tim Floyd reportedly paid $1,000 to sign O.J. Mayo. We’re not sure what’s more disconcerting: Floyd’s illegal recruiting tactics or Mayo’s abysmal sense of self worth.

Celtics forward Glen Davis has apologized for bumping a 12-year-old boy while celebrating his game-winning shot against the Magic. The kid is just lucky he didn’t eat him.

Charles Barkley believes that Jason Kidd should retire. That’s quite a coincidence since EVERYONE thinks that Charles Barkley should retire.

A streaker who disrupted a New York Mets game by jumping onto Citi Field naked except for a stuffed monkey tied around his waist has been charged with trespassing. No word yet on whether officials will also charge the monkey with being an accessory.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The United States Postal Service has decided to give Dodger Stadium it’s very own zip code. Ditto for Prince Fielder.

One NFL source insists Brett Favre can't peacefully retire until he finds a way to get revenge on the Packers. Given his performance last season he should consider playing for them.

HBO has announced it will follow the Cincinnati Bengals for its upcoming season of Hard Knocks. The program is the third primetime show to feature the franchise following Cops and America’s Most Wanted.

A cat recently ran onto Wrigley Field in the middle of a Cubs game. Luckily it’s Chicago, so fans are used to seeing a bunch of pussies on the field.

A new book is suggesting A-Rod used steroids in high school. The claim is nearly impossible to verify since nearly every 17-year-old kid has back acne and a small sack.

The NBA is closely monitoring the swine flue since, as everyone knows, most of their players are pigs.

New York Rangers coach John Tortorella has apologized for embarrassing the organization by throwing a water bottle at a fan. We’re not sure what’s harder to believe: the fact a professional coach would stoop so low or that the NHL still has fans.

The New York Knicks will play Maccabi Tel Aviv in an exhibition game in October. You know things are rough when you have to travel 5,000 miles just to find a team you can beat.

The Milwaukee Brewers have suspended pitcher Pedro Lambertus for testing positive for drugs. You’d think a team named after an alcoholic beverage would be a lot more understanding about this kind of thing.

The Dallas Cowboys’ practice bubble collapsed following a major windstorm. The timing of the incident is surprising since the team’s bubble usually doesn’t burst until the playoffs.

European hoops star Zelijko Obradovic has decided to pass on the NBA. Broadcasters everywhere are grateful.

Nuggets vice president of basketball operations Mark Warkentien has been named the NBA's executive of the year. For those of you keeping score at home, credit Allen Iverson with the assist.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at the Detroit Lions, the Boston Celtics, Tony Parker, Phil Mickelson, Chein-Ming Wang, Charles Barkley, Dikembe Mutombo, Rick Fox, Dale Earnhardt Jr. and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

President Barack Obama recently played a round of golf for the first time since taking office. It's nice to know that John McCain isn't the only white thing he's capable of knocking around.

Flip Saunders has received a four-year, $18 million contract with the Washington Wizards. $2 million is for coaching the team and $16 million is for dealing with Gilbert Arenas.

Commissioner Roger Goodell says Michael Vick has to show genuine regret in order to return to the NFL. In other words, he simply has to act like a Detroit Lions season ticket holder.

Majestic Athletic company has apologized for supplying Washington with jerseys reading "Natinals." On the positive side, the team can easily rectify the problem by borrowing a couple of o’s from their win column.

Phil Jackson has spliced clips of the movie Miracle at St. Anna into Lakers video sessions as part of his attempt to add a certain theme to every playoff series. Evidentially the theme of this year’s playoffs is horrible movies.

Former Jacksonville Jaguars star Jimmy Smith was arrested with crack cocaine and marijuana in his car. The 40-year-old vet played wide receiver for 10 seasons in the NFL, but is now expected to be just another tight end in prison.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. has said he doesn’t believe in Twitter or MySpace. That’s understandable since many of his fans also don’t believe in the Big Bang or evolution.

Thousands of grasshoppers recently descended on Chase Field, home of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Sadly, it’s one of the first times all season the stadium has actually looked full.

A 12-year-old girl from New Jersey recently threw a perfect game against a group of boys. Then again, it was the Nationals.

The Jacksonville Jaguars have introduced new team uniforms, because if you're going to lose 12 games you might as well look good doing it.

Alex Rodriguez has said he expects to see action next week. No word yet on whether it will be on a baseball diamond.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Cleveland Browns are looking to get rid of Brady Quinn, and by the sounds of it, 90 percent of their female fan base.

A 100-year-old woman from New Jersey has become the oldest competitor in the history of the United States Bowling Congress Women's Championships. And yet, she’s still far younger than the hot dogs being sold at most bowling alleys across the U.S.

Michael Vick is reportedly shopping a post-prison reality show. Something tells us it probably won’t be on Animal Planet.

The Marlins beat the Nationals to improve to 11-1, making them the first team in Major League history to have more wins than fans.

Celine Dion is on the verge of buying the Montreal Canadiens, because apparently just ruining music for everyone wasn’t enough.

Ken Griffey Jr. recently hit career home run No. 613 and his 400th as a Mariner. The veteran outfielder hopes to break another personal record later this week when he attempts to play in three consecutive games without snapping a hamstring.

Florida high school pitcher Patrick Schuster has thrown three straight no-hitters. Frankly, we had no idea high school teams were allowed to play against the Washington Nationals.

UConn big man Hasheem Thabeet has chosen to enter the NBA draft and will begin the process of interviewing agents soon. If the process is anything like his own interviews we imagine he’s in for a very awkward week.

The last place New York Islanders have won the NHL draft lottery and will have the first overall pick. Given their futility, they might want to start by picking another sport.

John Madden has announced his retirement after 30 years in the broadcast booth. In related news, Frank Caliendo is now available for yard work.

Eddy Curry plans to spend his summer in Motown in an attempt to lose weight. God knows, more than a few people have lost their appetite after seeing Detroit.

The Beasts of the East

As the NBA season has progressed, it's become clear that the Cleveland Cavaliers possess the balance, leadership and depth to capture their first championship in franchise history. Click here to read my latest article about these true Beasts of the East.

In The Spotlight

I'm delighted to announce that my celebrity profile on Celtics captain Paul Pierce is now online. Learn more about this self-proclaimed "best player in the world" by clicking here.

Talking Points - Carolina On My Mind

Welcome back for another edition of Talking Points, a handy cheat sheet designed to help you hold your own in any water cooler discussion. In this week’s column, I'll examine North Carolina’s loaded roster, the New York Yankees’ injury woes and the Celtics’ championship season. Read all about it here.

Talking Points - Strahan Steps Down

Welcome back for another edition of Talking Points, a handy cheat sheet designed to help you hold your own in any water cooler discussion. In this week’s column, I’ll examine Roger Clemens’ Viagra dependency, Michael Strahan’s retirement and Dontrelle Willis’ demoralizing demotion. Read all about it here.

Talking Points - Deja Vu All Over Again

Welcome back for another edition of Talking Points, a handy cheat sheet designed to help you hold your own in any water cooler discussion. In this week’s column, I’ll examine the heavily hyped NBA Finals, the beginning of a Motor City makeover and the remarkable rise of Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton. Read all about it here.

Talking Points - Blades of Glory

Welcome back for another edition of Talking Points, a handy cheat sheet designed to help you hold your own in any water cooler discussion. In this week’s column, I’ll examine the Chicago Bulls’ unlikely postseason victory, Jose Canseco’s fledging boxing career and Oscar Pistorius’ pursuit of Olympic gold. Read all about it here.

Question of the Week

Torii, Rockford, IL
Hey Ryan, I’ve heard that Tim Duncan likes to unwind by playing Dungeons and Dragons and attending renaissance fairs. Have you heard of any players with stranger hobbies than that?

You’ve obviously never heard of Tony Lavelli. The former four-time All American was a high-scoring forward with serious musical aspirations. In fact, Lavelli was so keen on entertaining crowds that he joined the Celtics on the condition that he could play his accordion at halftime during home games. Although this former Yale grad only stuck it out in the pros for two seasons (1949-1951), he went onto enjoy a long career as a songwriter and nightclub performer. If you’re a fan of accordion music, I’d personally recommend his two albums, All-American Accordionist and Accordion Classics, both of which are excellent for driving away unwanted houseguests.

Talking Points - Kobe Takes Home The Hardware

Welcome back for another edition of Talking Points, a handy cheat sheet designed to help you hold your own in any water cooler discussion. In this week’s column, I’ll examine Kobe Bryant’s latest achievement, Mike D’Antoni’s coaching prospects and Kosuke Fukudome’s surprising start. Read all about it here.

Ask Ryan - Welcome To The Block

Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment go together like Barry Bonds and unemployment. This week’s mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about Bill Buckner’s return to Boston, the NBA’s best “little big men” and the worst major league all-stars of all time. Read all about it here.

Ask Ryan - Tales From The Charity Stripe

Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment go together like spring training and false hope. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about the smartest guy in professional sports, the NBA's worst free throw shooter and the strongest man in the NFL. Read all about it at Fox Sports.