You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Winter Olympics have finally concluded. Americans can now return to ignoring alpine skiing and bobsledding for the next four years.

The Memphis Grizzlies plan to send Hasheem Thabeet to D-League. Mainly because there isn’t an F-League.

Ron Artest hopes to lose 20 pounds of what he calls “useless weight.” He could start by cutting off his head.

Chipper Jones has promised he will walk away from baseball if he has another disappointing season. Sadly, the Nationals have refused to agree to the same deal.

White Sox pitcher Bobby Jenks has stopped drinking alcohol. The veteran hurler should be especially effective now that he’ll only be seeing one catcher.

The NCAA has accused Michigan’s football program of five major infractions. Six if you count losing to Appalachian State.

The mascot for the Kansas City Royals has been accused of poking a fan's eye out with a hotdog. Wait a second, the Royals have fans?

The NFL has declined to punish Raiders coach Tom Cable. After all, coaching the Raiders is punishment enough.

John Daly is giving away a pair of his signed underwear. As an added bonus the garment can easily be converted into a 4-person tent.

The Clippers have confirmed they are keeping Drew Gooden. It’s still unclear whether this qualifies as a hostage situation.

Cardinals reliever Ryan Franklin is upset that Major League Baseball has decided to ban guns in its clubhouses. And Chris Carpenter is upset that he has to share a locker next to Ryan Franklin.

In The Spotlight

I'm delighted to announce that my celebrity profile of two-time Olympic medalist Dale Begg-Smith is now online. Learn more about freestyle skiing's most controversial figure by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Vanilla Ice recently performed at halftime of a Nets-Raptors game. Haven’t those poor fans already suffered enough?

Tom Watson believes Tiger Woods needs to show some humility when he returns to golf. Watson noted it would also help if Woods doesn’t try to bone every woman in sight.

A game between the Atlanta Hawks and Washington Wizards was postponed because of a massive blizzard. Apparently God really is merciful.

Danica Patrick was repeatedly bumped from the front, side and back at her first stockcar event. And that was before she even made it onto the track.

Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith were both reduced to tears at their Hall of Fame induction ceremony. You’d cry too if you were in a club that included Michael Irvin.

Several of Tyreke Evans’ teammates believe he hogs the ball. The news has come as a shock to Evans who didn’t realize he HAD teammates.

Donald Sterling has allegedly reached out to Isiah Thomas to run the Clippers… into the ground.

Chris Paul will be on crutches for three weeks following knee surgery. Sadly, he’ll still be more mobile than Emeka Okafor.

The demolition of Giants Stadium is now underway. The event has attracted little attention since New York sports fans are accustomed to huge collapses.

The British Olympic Ski and Snowboard Federation has gone bankrupt. That’s what happens when you have to travel 10,000 miles just to find snow.

Pau Gasol is reportedly frustrated by his lack of touches. We’re not sure whether that’s an issue for Lakers management or for his wife

Brandon Roy, Chris Paul, Carmelo Anthony, Kevin Garnett, Allen Iverson and Kobe Bryant could all miss the NBA All-Star Game. Things are so bleak that the commissioner now has Pops Mensah-Bonsu on speed dial.