You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Golden State Warriors have acquired free agent Corey Maggette, signing away the Los Angeles Clippers' scoring leader. Of course, being the top scorer on the Clippers is a little bit like being the smartest woman on The View.

Former NFL special teams star Vai Sikahema knocked out Jose Canseco in their celebrity boxing match. We’d say he knocked him senseless, but we’re pretty sure that’s how he entered the ring.

The NHL is hoping to stage an open-air hockey game at the new Yankee Stadium. The highly anticipated event may even feature A-Rod, since he’s become a master at skating on thin ice.

Imprisoned quarterback Michael Vick has filed for bankruptcy protection while serving time for federal dogfighting charges. Ironically, his lack of funds means that he’ll now have to take the Greyhound everywhere he goes.

Kansas City tight end Tony Gonzalez recently saved a California man from choking. Now, if only he could do the same thing with the Chiefs.

Former NFL player Brian Bosworth recently rescued a Calgary woman from an auto accident. It seems only fitting that Boz was present since his entire career was a car wreck.

A professional soccer referee had to be helped off the field after showing up to work drunk. We had no idea that John Daly had gotten a summer job.

Cleveland lost their tenth game in a row after falling to Detroit. The Indians are doing so poorly this season they’re considering getting out of baseball altogether and opening a casino.

Imprisoned quarterback Michael Vick is currently busy writing his life story. In fact he’s already on chapter 11.

West Point grad Caleb Campbell is hoping to make the transition from the U.S. Army to the Detroit Lions this season. It should be a natural fit since neither organization has had a major victory in years.

The demolition of Tiger Stadium's walls and seating areas has begun. Construction workers were happy to report that the stadium fell apart almost as quickly as Detroit’s starting rotation.

New England Patriots running back Kevin Faulk has pleaded no contest to drug charges after being caught with marijuana at a Li'l Wayne concert. It’s hard to say what’s more embarrassing: getting busted by the police or having the world know you’re a fan of Li’L Wayne.

The Yankees are reportedly interested in signing recently waived slugger Richie Sexson. Great, that’s just what they need, more players with Sexon the brain.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

A-Rod’s wife has filed for a divorce, claiming that Rodriguez has "abandoned” her. Now she knows how the Yankees feel every September.

The San Antonio Spurs have asked Manu Ginobili to not play in this summer’s Olympics. Coincidentally, so has the U.S. team.

The asterisk-branded ball that Barry Bonds hit for career homer No. 756 will be headed to the Hall of Fame after all. Bonds’ head must be swelling with pride… or steroids, one or the other.

John Daly wowed a crowd at the Buick Pro-Am by hitting a golf ball off of an empty beer can. If there’s one thing Daly knows how to do, it’s drink and drive. The only thing that would have wowed the crowd more is if Daly had left a beer can unopened.

Georgia's bulldog mascot, Uga VI, was buried today at Sanford Stadium after passing away over the weekend. The death came as a surprise since the Bulldogs generally don’t collapse until much later in the season.

Fox will ask every player, manager and coach in the MLB All-Star Game to wear a microphone, which is a wonderful idea… if you speak Spanish.

U.S. Basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski insists this year’s Olympians are not going to Beijing “to sell shoes.” Indeed, they’re going there to visit the five-year-olds who make their shoes.

George W. Bush has announced he will attend the opening ceremonies of the Olympics in Beijing. The President should be right at home in the city since he’s used to being in a constant haze.

Rotund Celtics forward Glen “Big Baby” Davis was recently spotted in the Bahamas... all the way from Florida.

The Harlem Globetrotters selected Patrick Ewing, Jr. as the top pick in the team's annual draft. The Georgetown product was selected just ahead of a basketball on a string and a bucketful of confetti.

Good news and bad news for Notre Dame football boosters. The good news is coach Charlie Weis is privately projecting anywhere from nine to 12 victories for his team this year. The bas news is he’s also projecting a 100-game schedule.

The Kansas City Chiefs have released a fan code of conduct stating that standing and/or obstructing the view of other fans is not allowed at Arrowhead Stadium. Luckily that shouldn’t be a problem since the Chiefs rarely gives their fans any reason to stand up and cheer.