Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at the Super Bowl, Jose Canseco, Mickey Rourke, NASCAR, Michael Phelps and much, much more. Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Cardinals are feeling plenty of heat after coughing up a lead with 35 seconds to go in Super Bowl XLIII. But as they say in Arizona, it’s a dry heat.

Gatorade has officially re-branded itself as “G.” Sadly, their splashy Super Bowl commercials were the only G-Spots most men will ever see.

Kurt Warner was handed the NFL Man of the Year trophy just before kickoff. Of course, as every one knows, real men win rings, not trophies.

A Japanese sumo wrestler has been arrested and accused of marijuana possession. Police were unable to definitively confirm whether he was carrying pot since they only had seven hours to examine his various folds of fat.

David Wells has fired back at Joe Torre, claiming the manager unfairly criticized his ex-players in his new book, The Yankee Years. The news has come as a surprise to many observers who didn’t realize that David Wells could actually read.

Michael Irvin is producing a new reality TV show in which he'll give one guy off the street a spot on the Dallas Cowboys. Wait a second, didn’t they do that last year with Pacman Jones?

Terrell Owens has agreed to star in a VH-1 reality show loosely based on the network’s previous hit, “Scott Baio Is 45 & Single.” The new show has been tentatively titled, “Terrell Owens is 35 and Unbearable.”

Former Heavyweight Champion Ingemar Johansson has passed away at the age of 76. His death is particularly saddening for Evander Holyfield, who was hoping to fight him sometime next month.

Michael Vick could be transferred to a halfway house in Virginia any day now. It should be a nice change of pace from the doghouse he’s been in for the last year and a half.

Golden State rookie Anthony Randolph has fired his agent B.J. Armstrong. It’s believed to be the first time in modern history that a professional athlete has knowingly turned down a B.J.

Josh Howard has said that he would like to stay in Dallas. His dealer couldn’t be happier.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Detroit Pistons have lost five of their last six games. Apparently the city’s auto makers aren’t the only ones struggling to put together a good quarter.

Jeff Van Gundy has said he doesn't see himself back on the bench any time soon. After all, why go to the NBA when he already has a steady gig playing Uncle Fester at birthdays and bar mitzvahs.

The New Jersey Institute of Technology finally snapped a 51 game losing streak with a 61-51 victory over Bryant. Of course, the real surprise is that Bryant managed to score 51 points all on his own.

Shaquille O’Neal says he’s feeling better than ever because of his new regime of ballet-like exercises. Unfortunately the same can’t be said of the poor guy in charge of lifting him off the ground.

Knicks center Jerome James will miss the rest of the season with a ruptured right Achilles' tendon. James has blamed the injury on trying to eat more than he could lift.

The City of Detroit has approved a $27 million plan to preserve Tiger Stadium. It’s nice to hear that the Detroit Lions aren’t the only useless relics the city is willing to support.

NBA owners have reversed a longtime ban on serving hard liquor during live games. That’s certainly one way of making the Clippers more watchable.

Dennis Rodman has signed on to join a cast of midgets in a new basketball movie called The Minis. Oddly enough, it still sounds much more dignified than making another film with Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Las Vegas bookies have picked the New York Yankees as the odds on favorites to win the 2009 World Series. Then again, these are the same bookies that also picked the Arizona Cardinals to finish the season playing in the Pac-10.

The New York Mets have signed outfielders Ryan Church and Angel Pagan to one-year contracts. Maybe now the team will actually have a prayer of getting into the post season.

The Pittsburgh Steelers have announced they’ll wear their white pants for Super Bowl XLIII. And because they’re in Florida, they also plan on hiking them all the way up to their nipples.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Yankees have announced they will wear a special patch on their uniforms commemorating the inaugural season at their new stadium. The black and white design will feature an enormous dollar sign being flushed down a toilet.

Pirates chairman Bob Nutting recently told reporters that an MLB salary cap would make Pittsburgh more competitive. It’s certainly a more feasible plan than his previous idea of giving polio to the league’s other 29 teams.

The Detroit Lions have signed head coach Jim Schwartz to a four year deal, or 64 losses, whichever come first.

The Boston Red Sox have extended the contract of Kevin Youkilis until 2012. It’s hoped that by then scientists will finally be able to identify which species he belongs to.

Quarterback Mark Sanchez will skip his senior season and enter the NFL draft. Luckily USC should bounce right back as Matt Leinart has expressed interest in returning to college and taking his place.

The Los Angeles Dodgers have released Andruw Jones. The team intends to still pay tribute to the rotund slugger by using his jersey to cover the infield during rain delays.

Kobe Bryant has signed a lucrative deal to blog for a Chinese website. It should be delightful to read the views of a man whose knowledge of Chinese culture begins and ends with Sweet and Sour Pork.

Free agent pitcher Paul Byrd has decided to sit out the first half of the 2009 season. Byrd made the decision because he wants to spend time with his family… just not that much time.

18-year-old golfer Tadd Fujikawa fired a 8-under 62 at the Sony Open. We’re not sure what’s sadder: the fact that PGA golfers are being beaten by a kid who can’t even legally drink or that a teenager is wasting the best years of his life playing golf.

Alonzo Mourning has said he may return to the Miami Heat if he can get his body back in shape. If not, he’ll do what every overweight big man does and sign with the Knicks.

The Arizona Cardinals are headed to Super Bowl XLIII, or as many insiders are calling it, Apocalypse I.

Cubs chairman Crane Kenney has said the sale of the team should happen any day now. Then again, Cubs fans have also been saying the same thing about a World Series title for the last 101 years.

Washed-up outfielder Ken Griffey Jr. is reportedly drawing interest from four different teams. Unfortunately for Griffey, three of them play in a beer league.