Thursday, August 6, 2009

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Real Madrid has insured Cristiano Ronaldo’s legs for $142 million. In related news, the Los Angeles Galaxy has insured David Beckham’s brain for $3.

The Yankees are reportedly watching their wallet. We’d be doing the same thing if we played in the Bronx.

Mike D’Antoni believes the Knicks need more size in the backcourt. A higher IQ in the owner’s box wouldn’t hurt either.

Vince Young has said he expects to reach the Hall of Fame. We expect he’ll have to buy a ticket to get in.

The Arena Football League has shut down its operations. Luckily, spectators who enjoy watching second-rate football can still tune into the Lions.

Former Ohio State football star Maurice Clarett has withdrawn a request for early release from prison. Clarett changed his mind after learning that White Castle was no longer hiring.

Preakness Stakes winner Rachel Alexandra is getting her very own line of wine. All things considered, it’s a lot better than being turned into her very own line of glue.

Tiger Woods was overheard passing gas on the 18th hole at the Buick open. All things considered, his fart was far more intelligent than anything that came out of John Daly’s mouth all weekend.

A Red Sox fan was recently spotted drinking beer from a sneaker at Fenway Park. God knows, it’s not the first time a Boston fan has put his foot in his mouth.

Junior Seau is joining the Dodgers as the team’s newest bat boy. It’s never a good sign when your bat boy is also your biggest hitter.

The Minnesota Timberwolves have been fined for leaking their 2010 schedule. Apparently the NBA didn’t want anyone to know they were still in the league.