You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Brett Favre went 1-4 in his debut with the Vikings. He likely would have had more snaps if he hadn’t retired during the second quarter.

John Smoltz says he understands why the Red Sox gave up on him. Anyone who knows an ERA should be lower than the national deficit can understand that.

The International Athletic Federation is forcing South Africa's Caster Semenya to undergo a gender test. Semenya will be allowed to stay in the woman’s division if she can watch The View for longer than 30 seconds.

The New York Mets are expected to dump Gary Sheffield. Let’s hope they also remember to flush.

Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels appears to be taking his clothing cues from Bill Belichick. Or a hobo. One or the other.

The NFL will try to crack down on binge drinking at games during the 2009 season. No one is more upset with the news than Matt Leinart.

The bludgeoned body of a 22-year-old man was recently found on Chipper Jones' ranch. Police have already ruled out Jones as a suspect since he hasn’t been hitting anything this year.

A Florida theme park plans to name a new high speed ride in honor of Dale Earnhardt. Isn’t that a little bit like naming an airplane after Roberto Clemente?

Plaxico Burress has hired a prison consultant to get ready for life behind bars. Wouldn’t it have been a lot cheaper to have just bought soap on a rope?

Lou Piniella has expressed interest in returning to the Cubs in 2010. Well sure, misery always loves company.

Cincinnati Reds starter Aaron Harang is out for the rest of the season after having his appendix removed. Finally, an organ that’s almost as useless as the rest of the Reds’ pitching staff.

The Boston Red Sox have dropped struggling starter Brad Penny from their rotation. Luckily for him bad pennies always seem to come back.