You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Tony Gonzalez has become the 21st player in NFL history with 11,000 yards receiving. In all fairness, 10,000 of those yards came against the Lions.

Donovan McNabb has a broken rib. And here’s the real surprise; Michael Vick wasn’t the one who broke it.

The Minnesota Vikings have named Brett Favre a team captain. That’s certainly a lot nicer than what the Green Bay packers have named him.

Ben Roethlisberger’s accuser is demanding a list of every single woman he has ever had sex with. Given his spotty history, Roethlisberger might just want to provide her with the Pittsburgh phonebook.

Allen Iverson has said that his decision to join the Memphis Grizzlies was based upon a message from God. Luckily for him, God didn’t say anything about having to share the ball with Zach Randolph.

The New Jersey Nets recently unveiled a revamped design for their new arena in Brooklyn. The state of the art facility will have glass walls, a public plaza and ample seating for all seven of the team’s fans.

The IAAF has confirmed that South African runner Caster Semenya has male and female sex organs. On the positive side, her chances of getting a date on Saturday night have now doubled.

Kansas City starters Gil Meche and Brian Bannister are likely done for the rest of the season. The Royals did not disclose the exact nature of their injuries since nobody cared enough to ask.

Adrian Peterson was pumped full of emergency fluids following the second quarter of Minnesota’s game against Cleveland. Apparently Matt Leinart isn’t the only one who drinks during halftime.

Ryne Sandberg has expressed interest in becoming the Cubs’ next manager. Well, you have to start somewhere.

You've Got to be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Brett Favre is coming out with a brand new line of Wrangler jeans. And unlike Favre, the pants are wrinkle free.

Plaxico Burress has said he’d like to catch on with a professional football team after serving his two-year prison sentence. And if that’s not possible, Burress is also open to playing for the Lions.

Isiah Thomas is upset that his first game as a college head coach will come against defending national champion North Carolina. Thomas was hoping to face a much easier foe like the New York Knicks.

New Jersey Devils star Zach Parise recently took batting practice with the Minnesota Twins. If we played in the NHL we’d be looking for another job too.

Reliever Billy Wagner has been traded to the Boston Red Sox. In return, the Mets will receive two players to be injured later.

Former President Nelson Mandela recently met with controversial runner Caster Semenya. The pair has plenty in common including their South African roots and their ability to pee while standing up.

Lou Pinella says he expects to return to the Cubs next season. He doesn’t want to, but he expects to.

Dirk Nowitzki’s ex-girlfriend has been sentenced to five years in prison for violating probation. All in all, it’s a much more lenient sentence than a lifetime with Dirk Nowitzki.

Boston Red Sox hurler Daisuke Matsuzaka allowed five runs in the first inning of a rehab start. The last person to struggle this much in rehab was Amy Winehouse.

Timberwolves general manager David Kahn recently made his third trip to Spain over the past two months. At this point it’s unclear whether he’s trying to sign Ricky Rubio or dating him.

California beat Chinese Taipei to win the Little League World Series. What did you expect? The entire team was made in Taiwan.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Brett Favre went 1-4 in his debut with the Vikings. He likely would have had more snaps if he hadn’t retired during the second quarter.

John Smoltz says he understands why the Red Sox gave up on him. Anyone who knows an ERA should be lower than the national deficit can understand that.

The International Athletic Federation is forcing South Africa's Caster Semenya to undergo a gender test. Semenya will be allowed to stay in the woman’s division if she can watch The View for longer than 30 seconds.

The New York Mets are expected to dump Gary Sheffield. Let’s hope they also remember to flush.

Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels appears to be taking his clothing cues from Bill Belichick. Or a hobo. One or the other.

The NFL will try to crack down on binge drinking at games during the 2009 season. No one is more upset with the news than Matt Leinart.

The bludgeoned body of a 22-year-old man was recently found on Chipper Jones' ranch. Police have already ruled out Jones as a suspect since he hasn’t been hitting anything this year.

A Florida theme park plans to name a new high speed ride in honor of Dale Earnhardt. Isn’t that a little bit like naming an airplane after Roberto Clemente?

Plaxico Burress has hired a prison consultant to get ready for life behind bars. Wouldn’t it have been a lot cheaper to have just bought soap on a rope?

Lou Piniella has expressed interest in returning to the Cubs in 2010. Well sure, misery always loves company.

Cincinnati Reds starter Aaron Harang is out for the rest of the season after having his appendix removed. Finally, an organ that’s almost as useless as the rest of the Reds’ pitching staff.

The Boston Red Sox have dropped struggling starter Brad Penny from their rotation. Luckily for him bad pennies always seem to come back.