Ask Ryan - All In The Family

Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment go together like the Super Bowl and roman numerals. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about the youngest team in the NBA, hoops' biggest hack and Archie Manning's musical legacy. Read all about it at: http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/7741440

Picture This

Feast your eyes on the latest illustration from my good friend and fellow collaborator Harrison Wheeler. If you would like to see more of Harrison’s excellent work please visit his blog at: http://www.jesterinjapan.blogspot.com/

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s sports shorts.

Good news and bad news from the NHL. The good news is that Hurricanes center Eric Staal won a truck as the MVP of the all-star team. The bad news is that commissioner Gary Bettman will now have to go back to taking public transportation.

This just in from the two weeks too late department: Tony Romo has reportedly broken up with Jessica Simpson. Apparently he couldn’t stand being with a woman who thought a quarterback was a refund.

Nike has revealed that their new Jordan 23s will cost $230 a pair. Of course, $115 of that goes directly to his ex-wife.

Rickey Henderson has been sued by a promoter of sports collectibles shows for not showing up at events that he had been paid to attend. It’s not the first time Henderson has gotten away with stealing.

Jose Canseco offered to keep Magglio Ordonez out of his upcoming book if the Tigers outfielder invested in a movie project he’s promoting. We’re not sure what the film is about, but we’re guessing it’s not a morality tale.

Indians pitcher C.C. Sabathia came away the big winner at the Greater Cleveland Sports Awards where he was named the city’s top professional athlete. The only way the award could have been any better is if it came with a one-way ticket out of Cleveland.

Nuggets forward Nene is recovering nicely after doctors removed his right testicle. On the positive side, the operation has made the Brazilian considerably less nutty… and a much more confidant ball handler.

Colts QB Peyton Manning will host Upper Deck's VIP Super Bowl Party at a posh nightclub in Scottsdale. It should be the perfect space for him to watch all 27 of his new commercials.

Terrell Owens reportedly exchanged phone numbers with Paris Hilton in a Dallas nightclub. Something tells us this can only end in tears.

Heat center Shaquille O'Neal has indicated that he will not retire before his contract expires at the end of the 2009-2010 season. If having a day job keeps him from making movies and rap albums, we really can’t complain.

Question of the Week

Larry, Sioux Falls, S.D.
Subj: Hitting the showers
Hey Ry Guy, who was the first coach to receive a Gatorade shower?

Great question, Larry! Former Giants coach Bill Parcells became the first recipient of a “Gatorade Dunk” in 1985 when linebacker Harry Carson and defensive tackle Jim Burt doused him following a victory against the Redskins. “I agreed to do it,'' Carson says. “But I said, ‘Jimmy, we have to wait until he takes his headphones off.’ We had no idea what the electrical currents might do to him. As soon as he took his headphones off, we hit him with the Gatorade.” The trend quickly caught on around the nation and it’s now an even surer sign of victory than seeing Scott Pollard on the court for the Celtics.

Ask Ryan - Are You Ready For Some Football?

Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment go together like Terrell Owens and extra absorbent hankies. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about Ashton Kutcher's football career, Tom Brady's surprising place in the 2000 NFL draft and the most football-savvy state in the Union. Read all about it at: http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/7714932

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week's Sports Shorts.

Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers is the star of a new video for the Pure Love Club, an organization that advocates saving one's self for marriage. It’s an unusual affiliation for a guy who spends so much of his time flat on his back.

NCAA Division II delegates have approved a pilot program allowing Canadian schools to apply for membership as soon as June 1. The new division will henceforth be known as the NC-Eh-Eh.

NASCAR is considering raising the minimum age for drivers in the Sprint Cup Series from 18 to 21. It’s hoped the new age restriction will produce a much more mature and professional class of rednecks.

Knicks guard Stephon Marbury is scheduled to go under the knife for season-ending surgery. Unfortunately the surgery will be on his left ankle and not his brain.

Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter has said that he wants to go back to college to get his degree when he's done playing. That’s just what Jeter needs - another place to meet women.

Bobby Knight has become the first men's Division I coach to reach 900 victories. It’s an impressive milestone for a man who has often seemed more interested in throttling his players than in coaching them.

Bulls rookie JamesOn Curry was arrested and charged with misdemeanor counts of urinating in public. When asked for a reaction, Curry freely admitted that he was pissed off. Luckily the incident happened in Boise, so it actually improved the smell of the city.

New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick has said he supports wide receiver Randy Moss in the wake of damaging battery allegations. In fact, Belichick even has the tapes to prove he’s innocent.

Golfweek has fired its longtime editor Dave Seanor after he placed an image of a noose on the magazine’s cover. Apparently lynching him wasn’t an option. All things considered, it’s still much more tasteful than a topless photo of John Daly.

Former chess master Bobby Fisher has died at the age of 64. This is one move fellow competitors never saw coming.

Washington Wizards center Etan Thomas said he hopes to return from open heart surgery this season. God knows, he certainly wouldn’t be the only NBA player out there with an enlarged organ.

Dan Marino's cell phone went off twice on CBS' Sprint Halftime Report. Incidentally, that’s two more phone calls than FOX’s Terry Bradshaw got all month.

Question of the Week

Shane, Tempe, AZ
Subj: A brief cup of coffee
Which pitcher holds the record for having the shortest major league career?

That dubious honor belongs to Houston Astros hurler Larry Yount. The hard-throwing righthander was just 21-years-old when he was called up for his big league debut on September 15, 1971. Sadly, he blew out his elbow during his warmup tosses and never appeared in another Major League game. “I would still love to have had a chance to play longer,” he admits. “It just didn't work out.”

Ask Ryan - All You Need Is Love

Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment go together like baseball and congressional hearings. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about Kevin Youkilis' new energy drink, John Havlicek's brief football career and Kevin Love's original claim to fame. Read all about it at: http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/7683502

Picture This

Feast your eyes on the latest illustration from my good friend and fellow collaborator Harrison Wheeler. If you would like to see more of Harrison’s excellent work please visit his blog at: http://www.jesterinjapan.blogspot.com/

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Sprinter Marion Jones has been sentenced to six months in prison and 800 hours of community service. However, with her speed Jones should be able to do it in half the time.

The Atlanta Hawks and Miami Heat must replay the final 51.9 seconds of their game last month because the official scorer ruled incorrectly that Shaquille O'Neal had fouled out. Unfortunately for the Heat, the do-over applies only to the one game and not their entire season.

Golf Channel has suspended anchor Kelly Tilghman after she suggested players who wanted to challenge Tiger Woods should “lynch him in a back alley.” In retrospect, Tilghman later admitted that taking a metal pipe to his knee would be much more effective.

The Olympic torch relay will make an appearance in Tiananmen Square on the eve of the Beijing Games. The appearance has been scheduled to coincide with the launch of the game’s latest Olympic event: tank dodging.

More than 30 people have already forwarded their resumes for the position of head football coach at the University of Hawaii. The applicants run the gamut from highly qualified former NFL coaches to guys who are just desperate to get leid.

Sir Edmund Hillary, the first man to conquer Mount Everest, has died at the age of 88. Why did he walk towards the light? Because it was there.

Isiah Thomas has said that all of his players are "untouchable." Of course, they used to say the same thing about plague victims and lepers too.

Curt Schilling has announced he will oversee the development massively multiplayer role-playing game when he retires. It sounds like the perfect second career for someone who’s always excelled at pushing other people’s buttons.

Adriano Bastos raced to his fourth straight victory in the Walt Disney World Marathon. The Brazilian runner was so dominant that he finished a full half hour before his next closest competitors, Goofy and Pluto.

Question of the Week

Donald, Tuscaloosa, AL
Subj: An issue of size
Dear Ryan, I’ve always wondered why basketball hoops are exactly 10 feet high. Why did they choose that number, rather than say, 12 feet?

Great question, Donald. The height was chosen by Dr. James Naismith in 1891 when he nailed a peach basket to the edge of an elevated running track which was 10 feet off the ground. Had the track been any higher the game of basketball may never have caught on. Interestingly, it took a full decade before Naismith and others adopted open-ended nets, hence putting an end to the practice of using a long-handled broomstick to retrieve the ball following each field goal.

Ask Ryan - Show Me Your Pitts

Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment go together like Isiah Thomas and deep-seated delusion. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about Brad Pitt's athletic career, football's first professional player and the NHL's most nomadic puckhead. Read all about it at: http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/7658844

You've Got To Be Joking

Martina Hingis has been banned for two years for testing positive for cocaine. Officials first became suspicious when they noticed her trying to snort the service line at Wimbledon.

The Dolphins have fired head coach Cam Cameron after a disastrous 1-15 season. On the positive side, that would actually count as a winning streak if he were coaching the Knicks.

Isiah Thomas has boldly predicted the New York Knicks will win a championship. What he failed to mention is that it will be in the WNBA.

Raptors guard T.J. Ford has been diagnosed with spinal stenosis, a condition which results in a loss of feeling in his arms when he collides with something. In other words, this Ford is a lot like a Pinto.

Ron Artest has said that he would approve a trade to his hometown Knicks. If nothing else it will finally give New York fans a reason to stay alert in the stands.

Marion Jones has asked a federal judge not to send her to jail for lying about steroids. That’s understandable. Given the amount of testosterone in her body she’d probably end up in a men’s prison.

Kim Kardashian has her publicity team working overtime to squelch rumors that she's engaged to football star Reggie Bush. What more does this guy have to do to get a ring?

Former All-Star pitcher Gerry Staley has died at the age of 87. No word yet on whether his present state will dissuade the Yankees from trying to sign him.

Former NBA star Isaiah Rider has been placed in custody on outstanding arrest warrants. The incident is believed to represent the first time in over a decade that the words “Isaiah Rider” and “Outstanding” have been used in the same sentence.

You've Got To Be Joking

I'm not in the habit of posting outside content, but some jokes are simply too good to pass up. Enjoy!

Peyton Manning, Tony Romo and Tom Brady go to heaven to visit God and watch the Celtics play a game. God decides who will sit next to him by asking the boys a question.

God asks Peyton Manning first: "What do you believe?" Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hardwork, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans." God can't help but see the essential goodness of Manning, and offers him a seat to his left.

Then God turns to Tony Romo and says, "What do you believe?" Tony says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields." God is greatly moved by Tony's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Tom Brady: "And you, Tom, what do you believe?" Tom replies, "I believe you're in my seat."

Ask Ryan - Hollywood Hoops

Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment go together like motorcycle cops and moustaches. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about Wilt Chamberlain's early struggles, the silver screen's best ballers and Joe Montana's shady past. Read all about it at: http://msn.foxsports.com/nba/story/7636072

Question of the Week

Jeffrey, Boise, ID
Subj: I’ve got to hand it to you
Hey Ryan, who was the first professional baseball player to wear a glove?

Cincinnati Red Stockings catcher Doug Allison became the first player to opt for protective gear in 1869 when he donned a pair of homemade buckskin mittens. Despite the obvious dangers of his position, Allison was largely ridiculed by fans and players alike, and the modern glove didn’t take its rightful place until the 1880’s. These days gloves come equipped with closed webbing, special finger linings and, in the case of Gaylord Perry, a handy dandy tube of Vaseline, a nail file and a three-speed Black & Decker power sander.

Picture This

Feast your eyes on the latest illustration from my good friend and fellow collaborator Harrison Wheeler. If you would like to see more of Harrison’s excellent work please visit his blog at: http://www.jesterinjapan.blogspot.com/