Monday, June 9, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson were spotted having a ball a Dolce & Gabbana party in Cannes. Just one ball, mind you, but it was a ball nonetheless.

The NBA has confirmed that Michael Beasley is 6-8 and not 6-10 as he previously claimed. The Kansas State forward has blamed his loss of two inches on a recent circumcision.

A New England man has been found guilty of impersonating a Seattle SuperSonics front office executive. Authorities first became suspicious since not even the team’s real employees are willing to admit they work for the Sonics.

Actress Nikki Ziering has signed on to participate in Hulk Hogan's new reality show, Celebrity Championship Wrestling. It should be a natural fit for her since she’s used to spending long periods of time on her back with her legs in the air.

The IOC has suspended Iraq's national Olympic committee thereby leaving Iraqi athletes in danger of missing the Beijing Games. Ironically the committee was one of the few groups in the country that actually had an exit strategy for getting out of Iraq.

The Minnesota Timberwolves are expected to pay a local radio station $2,000 per broadcast next season. No word yet on how much the team will have to pay fans to actually listen.

North Carolina point guard Ty Lawson has been charged with driving under the influence. Authorities first suspected Lawson was drunk when they spotted a fat chick sitting in his back seat.

Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick and California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger are making a friendly wager on the outcome of the NBA finals. If the Celtics win, Schwarzenegger has promised to donate Californian food and beverages to a charity of Patrick's choice. And if the Lakers win Patrick must sit through all of Kindergarten Cop.

Shaquille O’Neal showed up to the Belmont Stakes dressed like a jockey. The Big Aristotle’s outfit was so realistic that it reportedly caused three horses to faint.

Barry Bonds has pleaded not guilty to 15 counts of lying to federal investigators about steroids. The plea would have been even more convincing if Bonds’ pants hadn’t caught on fire half way through.

Country singer Mindy McCready recently took part in the World Series of Poker. It’s the first time in weeks we’ve been able to say the words “McCready” and “poker” without mentioning Roger Clemens.

New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick was spotted canoodling with his girlfriend Linda Holliday at a romantic restaurant in Boston. We’re not sure what happened after that but something tells us Belichick probably has it on tape.

Randy Johnson has passed Roger Clemens on the career strikeout list by notching his 4,673rd K. It’s quite an accomplishment for a man who looks like he should be operating carnival rides in Oklahoma.