Monday, June 30, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Green Bay Packers are crying poor after clearing just $21 million last season. Things are so dire, they might have to start eating those giant cheese heads.

San Francisco 49ers coach Mike Nolan recently visited military personnel serving in Kabul, Afghanistan. It was a natural setting for Nolan since he’s used to coming under heavy fire.

Pacman Jones has informed the media that he no longer wants to be referred to by his nickname. Instead, he will answer to "Adam," "Mr. Jones," or "Prisoner No. 345279.”

A horse trained by Rick Dutrow has tested positive for twice the allowable level of Clenbuterol, a bronchodilator that helps burn fat and promote muscle growth. Why do horses know about this drug and John Daly doesn’t?

A photo taken during the early stages of the Belmont Stakes shows that Big Brown was running with a loose shoe. Given his poor finish it must have been a stiletto.

The Toronto Raptors have agreed to trade T.J. Ford to the Indiana Pacers for Jermaine O’Neal. The deal will also include center Rasho Nesterovic, a first round draft pick and 3,000 pages of medical documentation.

John Daly and Kid Rock teamed up yesterday at the Buick Open pro-am. It’s unclear who was left in charge of the trailer park while they were out.

China's top backstroker Ouyang Kunpeng has been banned for life for failing a doping test. Terms of the ban are so restrictive that Kunpeng won’t even be allowed to wash his face without permission.

Willie Randolph has been informed he’ll be replaced by Cubs manager Lou Piniella on the coaching staff for next month's All-Star game. And here’s a shocker, he was actually told about it during the daytime.

Warren Sapp says he plans to accept an offer to appear on Dancing with the Stars. Now it’s up to producers to find a woman with a 7’8” wingspan so she can wrap her arms around his waist.

David Beckham recently admitted on his blog that he's astonished by the reaction his new underwear ads for Emporio Armani are generating. "To be honest, I was amazed by the huge billboard poster outside Macy's department store, but even more amazed by the amount of people who turned up to see it!" he said. Frankly, we're just amazed that David Beckham knows how to write.