Monday, June 23, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Presidential hopeful Barack Obama has said that if he wins this fall, he will install a basketball court at the White House. And if John McCain wins, he’ll install a shuffleboard deck.

MetLife Inc. has become the first of five major sponsors for New York’s new Meadowlands stadium. The $15 million deal will certainly help financially, but as Willie Randolph will tell you, Met life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano was lifted from a game against the Rays after tweaking his shoulder. Doctors fear the injury may prevent him from punching out any of his teammates for at least two weeks.

Prince Fielder allegedly owes more than $400,000 in unpaid taxes. Although that may sound like a lot it’s still considerably less than his weekly grocery bill.

Charles Barkley is headed back to Las Vegas to play in a charity poker tournament a month after pledging not to gamble. It’s not as bad as it sounds, though. Barkley will be donating all of his winnings to Hypocrites Anonymous.

An angry Mets fan shipped five chickens to the team's owners to protest the cowardly way in which they fired manager Willie Randolph. On the positive side, two of the birds have already found a regular place in the Mets rotation.

Ron Artest has a new song out in which he freestyles over Alicia Keys' single, No One. It’s a big step forward for a player whose greatest hits have all included Detroit Pistons fans.

Rotund hurler C.C. Sabathia hit a tape-measure home run in a game against the L.A. Dodgers. Sadly, the episode was mired by the three heart attacks he suffered while rounding the bases.

Sports broadcaster Pat Summerall is recovering from an emergency procedure to stop internal bleeding. It’s the first time in medical history that a patient has actually provided play-by-play for his own surgery.

Pacman Jones has informed the media that he wants to be referred to as Adam or Mr. Jones. You have to admit that it will certainly look a lot classier on a police blotter.

Kobe Bryant is headed to China after being selected to the U.S. Olympic team. The Lakers star can barely wait to alienate a whole new continent of fans.

Los Angeles Spark forward Candace Parker became the second woman to dunk in a WNBA game in a 77-63 win over the Indiana Fever. The event was so exhilarating that it brought all three fans to their feet.