Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at the Detroit Lions, the Boston Celtics, Tony Parker, Phil Mickelson, Chein-Ming Wang, Charles Barkley, Dikembe Mutombo, Rick Fox, Dale Earnhardt Jr. and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

President Barack Obama recently played a round of golf for the first time since taking office. It's nice to know that John McCain isn't the only white thing he's capable of knocking around.

Flip Saunders has received a four-year, $18 million contract with the Washington Wizards. $2 million is for coaching the team and $16 million is for dealing with Gilbert Arenas.

Commissioner Roger Goodell says Michael Vick has to show genuine regret in order to return to the NFL. In other words, he simply has to act like a Detroit Lions season ticket holder.

Majestic Athletic company has apologized for supplying Washington with jerseys reading "Natinals." On the positive side, the team can easily rectify the problem by borrowing a couple of o’s from their win column.

Phil Jackson has spliced clips of the movie Miracle at St. Anna into Lakers video sessions as part of his attempt to add a certain theme to every playoff series. Evidentially the theme of this year’s playoffs is horrible movies.

Former Jacksonville Jaguars star Jimmy Smith was arrested with crack cocaine and marijuana in his car. The 40-year-old vet played wide receiver for 10 seasons in the NFL, but is now expected to be just another tight end in prison.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. has said he doesn’t believe in Twitter or MySpace. That’s understandable since many of his fans also don’t believe in the Big Bang or evolution.

Thousands of grasshoppers recently descended on Chase Field, home of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Sadly, it’s one of the first times all season the stadium has actually looked full.

A 12-year-old girl from New Jersey recently threw a perfect game against a group of boys. Then again, it was the Nationals.

The Jacksonville Jaguars have introduced new team uniforms, because if you're going to lose 12 games you might as well look good doing it.

Alex Rodriguez has said he expects to see action next week. No word yet on whether it will be on a baseball diamond.

You've Got To Be Joking

Joe, Port Orange, FL
Subj: America's Team
Why were the Cowboys given the title of “America’s Team” the first place? When I think of America's Team, I think of the Pittsburgh Steelers. They have the best following of any team in sports. Steelers bars can be found in just about any major city. Therefore I think the Steelers should be referred to as “America's Team”.

Superb question, Joe! The term was coined by sportswriter Bob Ryan in 1979, although he didn’t have the Cowboys in mind when he created it. "After the '78 season, the Cowboys had just lost a crushing Super Bowl to the Steelers,” he recalls. “I wanted to come up with a different twist on a story I was doing. So, I asked the Rooney family if I could name the Pittsburgh Steelers, ‘America's Team’. But, I was surprised when the Rooney family said no. The next year I asked the Cowboys franchise and they said yes." Other media personalities soon adopted the colorful phrase and within a matter of weeks football fans from coast to coast were referring to Dallas as America’s Team. Surprisingly, Steelers owner Dan Rooney still has no regrets about declining the honorific title. 'We didn't want that,” he says. “We're a Pittsburgh team. We feel strongly about that."

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at the NBA playoffs, Alex Ovechkin, Greg Paulus, John Madden, Chris Bosch, Alex Rodriguez, Josh Beckett, Oscar de la Hoya and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Cleveland Browns are looking to get rid of Brady Quinn, and by the sounds of it, 90 percent of their female fan base.

A 100-year-old woman from New Jersey has become the oldest competitor in the history of the United States Bowling Congress Women's Championships. And yet, she’s still far younger than the hot dogs being sold at most bowling alleys across the U.S.

Michael Vick is reportedly shopping a post-prison reality show. Something tells us it probably won’t be on Animal Planet.

The Marlins beat the Nationals to improve to 11-1, making them the first team in Major League history to have more wins than fans.

Celine Dion is on the verge of buying the Montreal Canadiens, because apparently just ruining music for everyone wasn’t enough.

Ken Griffey Jr. recently hit career home run No. 613 and his 400th as a Mariner. The veteran outfielder hopes to break another personal record later this week when he attempts to play in three consecutive games without snapping a hamstring.

Florida high school pitcher Patrick Schuster has thrown three straight no-hitters. Frankly, we had no idea high school teams were allowed to play against the Washington Nationals.

UConn big man Hasheem Thabeet has chosen to enter the NBA draft and will begin the process of interviewing agents soon. If the process is anything like his own interviews we imagine he’s in for a very awkward week.

The last place New York Islanders have won the NHL draft lottery and will have the first overall pick. Given their futility, they might want to start by picking another sport.

John Madden has announced his retirement after 30 years in the broadcast booth. In related news, Frank Caliendo is now available for yard work.

Eddy Curry plans to spend his summer in Motown in an attempt to lose weight. God knows, more than a few people have lost their appetite after seeing Detroit.

What Were They Thinking?

On September 9, 2008, Lance Armstrong announced he would return to competitive cycling with the goal of winning the 2009 Tour de France. The indomitable Texan has since placed 29th in the Tour Down Under in Australia, had his bicycle stolen in Sacramento and had to withdraw from the Vuelta Castilla y León in Spain after breaking his collarbone. Sadly, Armstrong is hardly the first athlete to jeopardize his legacy by attempting an ill-advised comeback from retirement. Michael Jordan, Brett Favre and Muhammad Ali are among the other A-listers who sullied their reputations for another shot at glory. Click here to read my list of the top ten ill-advised comebacks in the sporting world.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at Tom Brady and Gisele, Tyler Hansbrough, Danica Patrick, Shaquille O’Neal, John Stockton, Greg Oden, Roger Federer, Lance Armstrong and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Shaquille O’Neal will miss the playoffs for the first time since 1993. Judging by his current weight that’s also the last time he missed a meal.

Renovations to Wrigley Field have been temporarily stalled. Luckily the Cubs should have plenty of time to work on the stadium in October when it’s completely vacant.

The San Diego Padres are now offering fans a special hot dog wrapped in bacon, stuffed with onions, tomatoes, and pinto beans, and served on a potato bun smothered in mayonnaise and jalapeno sauce. It’s the perfect snack for fans who love hot dogs but don’t want to live to see the seventh inning.

Ricky Rubio’s family is reportedly in favor of him entering the NBA draft this year. Obviously Ricky Rubio’s family has never seen the Sacramento Kings.

Darko Milicic has said he would like to play in Greece... or anywhere else where fans don't know he was picked ahead of Carmelo Anthony and Dwayne Wade.

Many Scots are turning to a brand new sport called Extreme Sheepherding. Of course, the truly extreme part is what they do to the sheep once they actually catch them.

The Columbus Blue Jackets are going to the playoffs for the first time in franchise history. Both of the team’s fans are delighted.

Andrew Bynum had 16 points in his return with the Lakers. The last time he scored that easily was at the Playboy Mansion.

St. Louis ace Chris Carpenter threw a one-hitter in a dazzling start against Pittsburgh. And just like that, the Pirates have used up all of their hits for the season.

Five Chinese swimmers have been banned two years each for doping with a powerful horse drug. When asked for a comment, all five swimmers responded "Neigh."

Boston University staged a miracle rally by scoring two goals in the final minute to win the NCAA Hockey Championship. Of course, the real miracle is that we're even discussing college hockey.

Roger Federer recently married longtime girlfriend Mirka Vavrinec. It's a risky proposition since love means nothing to him.

The Beasts of the East

As the NBA season has progressed, it's become clear that the Cleveland Cavaliers possess the balance, leadership and depth to capture their first championship in franchise history. Click here to read my latest article about these true Beasts of the East.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at Dontrelle Willis, Gary Sheffield, Mike Piazza, LeBron James, Jason Kidd, Allen Iverson, Andrew Bynum, Charles Barkley, Tyreke Evans, Michael Vick and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

North Carolina guard Ty Lawson reportedly won $250 at a Detroit casino. Sadly, that makes him the fifth richest person in the city.

Experts believe Tarheels center Tyler Hansbrough has dropped 35 positions in the draft over the last four years. And that’s just the WNBA draft.

The Mets triple A affiliate is offering free tickets to all unemployed fans. We’re not sure what’s more demeaning; being told you’re not good enough to keep your job or having to watching an entire team of baseball players who were told the same thing.

Allen Iverson has said he would rather retire than come off the bench. Some people will do anything to get out of spending time with Kwame Brown.

The 49ers are uncertain about drafting Matthew Stafford because he was reluctant to talk about his parents' divorce. Luckily he did redeem himself slightly by participating in a big group hug and singing a rousing rendition of kumbaya.

A new poll has found that baseball fans want the use of instant replay expanded. In related news, a new poll has found that baseball fans want the use of instant replay expanded.

Former QB Jeff George is reportedly trying to figure out how to get back in the NFL. At this stage in his career he might want to try buying a ticket.

Danica Patrick's season got off to a rough start after she crashed in the Honda Grand Prix. On the positive side, she did learn a very valuable lesson about trying to apply her make up at 200 miles per hour.

Las Vegas bookies are predicting the New York Yankees will win 95.5 games this year. The .5 comes from simply showing up against the Kansas City Royals.

San Diego ace Jake Peavy threw five more shutout innings to finish spring training with a 0.00 ERA. The only way his spring could have been any more perfect is if he hadn’t spent it with the Padres.

Churchill Downs wants to experiment with night racing at its upcoming spring meet. The idea is expected to meet with considerable opposition since most jockeys have a strict 8:00 bedtime.

Boston College defensive tackle B.J. Raji reportedly failed a drug test at the NFL combine. It sounds like someone is trying awfully hard to get the attention of the Bengals.

Question of the Week

Michael, Flemington, NJ
Subj: Getting defensive
I’ve had plenty of arguments with friends, but I believe the 86 NY Giants had the best defense ever. Others tend to point to the 85 Bears and the 2000 Ravens. Who is your choice and why?

It’s hard to find fault with your selections, Michael, although my personal vote goes to the 1976 Pittsburgh Steelers. The dreaded Steel Curtain was loaded with Hall of Fame talent like Mean Joe Greene, Jack Lambert, Jack Ham and Mel Blount as well as bruising hitters like J.T. Thomas, L.C. Greenwood, Glen Edwards and Mike Wagner, all of whom were selected to that year’s Pro Bowl team. Given their incredible personnel it’s easy to see how Pittsburgh ranked fourth or better in nine key defensive categories while also holding opponents to a paltry 28 points during their final nine regular season games. In fact, the Steelers’ defense was so dominant that Greene was famous for frequently telling the offense “You guys hold-'em, and we’ll score!" as they came off the field.