Thursday, November 12, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Shaquille O’Neal and his wife are divorcing after seven years of marriage. If nothing else it should certainly make for an entertaining episode of Shaq Vs.

Hasheem Thabeet fractured his jaw after colliding with the head of Zach Randolph. Ironically, it’s the first time Randolph has used his head for anything in more than a decade.

Two students claim they were recently pushed by Michigan athletic director Bill Martin. It’s never a good sign when your AD has more fight in him than your football team.

The Phoenix Coyotes are interested in signing Chris Chelios. The club hopes the 47-year-old defenseman is just close enough to dementia to consider their offer.

Several members of the Golden State Warriors have said they’d like to see Stephen Jackson traded. Preferably to Siberia.

The Knicks are expecting Eddy Curry back on the court soon. Team officials are reinforcing the floorboards as we speak.

The Red Sox have agreed to a $5 million, two-year contract with Tim Wakefield. It’s a lucrative deal for a man whose fastball can be measured with a sundial.

Former Knick center Chris Dudley would like to become governor of Oregon. Let’s hope for his sake it doesn’t come down to a free throw shooting contest.

Sammy Sosa’s skin is now three shades lighter than it was during his playing days. You know your rejuvenation procedure was a failure when your wax figurine looks more lifelike than you do.

A federal appeals court has ruled that Michael Vick can keep $16 million in roster bonuses from the Atlanta Falcons. Let’s hope he doesn’t blow it all at the pet store.