Monday, December 10, 2007

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Cyclist Lance Armstrong was spotted dining with Matt Damon at a posh club in Miami. Sounds like another case of three nuts out on the town.

Forward Anderson Varejao told reporters he’s happy to be back with the Cavaliers. His announcement marks the first time in history that anyone has been excited about moving to Cleveland.

The Los Angeles Dodgers have agreed to a 2-year, $36.2 million deal with centerfielder Andruw Jones. For those of you keeping track at home that’s $500,000 for every single hit.

Two Texas A&M football players have been charged in an alleged armed robbery of a College Station apartment. Luckily it’s Texas A&M so they should get a credit for it.

Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry won his appeal of a one-year suspension over a failed drug test. Just as importantly, no one was impregnated during the proceedings.

Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo has reportedly been sending daily gifts to Jessica Simpson. Let’s hope for his sake Terrell Owens doesn’t get upset that he’s no longer his top receiver.

David Beckham has earned the job of being the official backstage photographer for the SPICE GIRLS. That is, assuming he doesn’t get injured.

Injured Buffalo Bills tight end Kevin Everett is now walking on his own at a Houston rehab center. Although he’s still months away from running, doctors are happy to report that Everett already has more mobility that J.P. Losman.

Forbes magazine has named the New York Knicks the NBA’s most valuable franchise. Non one is happier about the news than the team’s majority stock holder, Anucha Browne Sanders.

Reports have surfaced that former Vancouver Canucks coach Marc Crawford ordered Todd Bertuzzi’s hit on Colorado forward Steve Moore. On the positive side, it’s the first time that NHL has been front page news in nearly three years.

Indiana Pacers guard Jamaal Tinsley and several companions were targeted in a shooting outside a downtown Indianapolis hotel. Luckily most of the shots missed wildly, leading police to suspect that one of the shooters may have been fellow teammate Troy Murphy.

Vladimir Guerrero has almost fully recovered from an irritated right triceps injury that prevented him from playing right field for the Angels at the end of the season. With a little bit of luck he’ll be back to hitting balls ten feet out of the strike zone in no time.