Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Question of the Week

Tom, Coon Rapids, MN
Subj: What might have been
Hey Ryan, I’m a huge Kevin McHale fan from way back. Is it true that he almost didn’t end up playing basketball?

That’s correct Tom. Like most Minnesota boys McHale dreamed of lacing up his skates for the North Stars. He might have too, were it not for a tremendous growth spurt during high school. Over a four year span the Hibbing High star morphed from a diminutive 5’9” freshman to a towering 6’11” senior. His rapid height gain was all the more surprising given that both of his parents were under 6’0” feet tall.

Monday, March 29, 2010

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Tiger Woods says he’s excited to return to the Masters. It will be his first foursome in months.

Tiger Woods’s return to the Masters is expected to boost television viewership of the event by 16 percent. And that’s just his exes.

EA Sports has released a sneak peak of NFL Madden 11. The game is so realistic that you can actually smell the alcohol on Matt Leinart’s breath.

Dwight Gooden has been charged with driving under the influence of drugs. Police knew for certain he was high when he got out of his car and tried snorting the highway divider lines.

Incoming Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov reportedly doesn’t own a cell phone and never uses the Internet. That goes a long way in explaining why he bought the Nets.

Shawn Bradley is running for the Utah State Legislature. Given the way he runs he should get there sometime by 2030.

A new study has revealed that the Yankees are the best paid figures in sports. They’re followed closely by the Mavericks, the Lakers and the women Ben Roethlisberger pays to stay quiet.

The Minnesota Timberwolves have now lost their 16th consecutive game. In their defense, those 5 guys at the YMCA were a lot tougher than they looked.

NASCAR was forced to postpone its Martinsville race due to heavy rainfall. On the positive side, many racing fans received their first shower in months.

The chief executive of the New Jersey Nets says he has no regrets about arguing with a fan who wore a paper bag over his head. However, he does have a few regrets about being the chief executive of the New Jersey Nets.

Tiger Woods has set up a learning center in Southern California. Enrollment in his sex ed classes is already full.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Question of the Week

Nate, San Marcos, TX
Subj: Fore! God and country
It seems like every American president from the past 50 years has been a golfer. Who is the best of the bunch?

That honor belongs to John F. Kennedy, an exceptional all-around athlete who possessed a seven handicap during his prime. Kennedy’s real strength was his long, smooth swing which was nearly as beautiful as some of the women he snuck into the White House. Although Kennedy may have been the Oval Office’s best golfer, the most passionate duffer was probably Gerald Ford. The nation’s 38th president was the first person to join the United States Golf Association (USGA) members program and he routinely worked on refining his game with pros like Jack Nicklaus, Hale Irwin and Dave Stockton. Of course, just because he was passionate doesn’t mean he was any good. Ford was famous for accidentally hitting spectators with wayward shots and he once capped off a memorable appearance at the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic by telling the media, "I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose."

Monday, March 22, 2010

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

CBS passed on an interview with Tiger Woods, saying that five minutes with the golfer wouldn’t be enough. There are hundreds of women out there who would probably disagree.

Tiger Woods has reportedly given his wife $150 million to stay in their relationship, and $300 million to always knock twice before entering his hotel room.

Bud Selig may realign baseball’s divisions. One option he’s seriously considering is moving the Orioles in the AL Central and moving the Nationals to Single A.

Ron Washington has tested positive for cocaine. The Rangers first suspected he had a problem after watching him snort the foul lines during the Seventh Inning Stretch.

Derrick Coleman has filed for bankruptcy. Financial, as well as moral. The former All-Star reportedly owes 99 creditors including American Express, Comerica and 75 different donut shops.

A three-game series between the Mets and Marlins has been moved from Miami to Puerto Rico. It’s unlikely anyone will be able to tell the difference.

Michael Jordan says he plans to run the Charlotte Bobcats his way… from Chicago. Jordan has called owning the Charlotte Bobcats a dream come true. After all, who doesn’t dream of owning a losing franchise that’s hemorrhaging money?

Chad Henne believes Tim Tebow is a second-rate quarterback. It takes one to know one.

According to a new study the odds a professional soccer player will be injured during a game are 1 in 75. And the odds that anyone in America will care are 1 in 75 million.

Ohio State’s Jim Tressel has become the first NCAA football coach to give an interview to a gay publication. Why do we get the sense that the discussion was mostly about tight ends?

The New York Police Department is looking for a suspect who looks just like Mariano Rivera. The Mets have offered to help on the off chance that he also PITCHES just like Mariano Rivera.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Question of the Week

Stephen, Vancouver, BC
Subj: Nowhere to hide
Who was the last goalie to appear in an NHL game without a mask?

That dubious distinction belongs to Andy Brown, a Pittsburgh Penguins netminder who patrolled the pipes during a 6-3 loss to the Atlanta Flames on April 7, 1974. Although the practice may seem foolish to us now, it was second nature for Brown, a rugged journeyman who refused to don a mask throughout his entire 12-year career because he felt it limited his vision. Brown was also a huge risk taker off the ice, and he transitioned into racing cars when his hockey career came to an end after three more seasons of stopping pucks with his face in the minor leagues.

Monday, March 15, 2010

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Las Vegas odds makers have chosen the Kansas Jayhawks as 5-2 favorites to win the NCAA Tournament… and 2-1 favorites to beat the New Jersey Nets.

Chad Ochocinco is getting his own reality show in which he'll try to find a girlfriend from a field of 85 women. The show is tentatively titled Who Wants to Marry a Douchebag?

Jake Delhomme has agreed to a two year deal with the Browns. In turn, the Browns have agreed to another two years of abject mediocrity.

The Washington Nationals are currently 0-10. Sounds like they’re already in mid-season form.

Three doctors have cleared Rodney Stuckey for exercise. Given that he plays for the Pistons it’s likely to be an exercise in futility.

Marion Jones has signed to play with the Tulsa Shock. It’s hard to say what’s more disgraceful: being stripped of five medals or playing in the WNBA.

Jose Reyes has been told to refrain from any kind of strenuous athletic activity for 8 weeks. It’s unclear whether that includes baseball.

An engineering professor has determined that headfirst slides are safer than feet first slides. Except in the case of Prince Fielder, where any kind of slide is likely to trigger an earthquake.

The Jets and Giants will flip a quarter for the right to host the first game in their new stadium. Ironically, that’s all the money they have left after building it.

Husky Jets coach Rex Ryan has undergone lap-band surgery to help him fight obesity. It was either that or staple his lips shut.

A new survey suggests the odds a man will attend a WNBA game this year are 1 in 168.2. However, the odds that he’ll do so willingly are 1 in 50 million.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Question of the Week

Berto, Amarillo, TX
Subj: Are you ready for some football?
When did the NFL remove the white stripping on the football? Are footballs with the stripping still used?

Superb question, Berto. The NFL originally introduced footballs with white stripes in the late 1950’s in order to make the ball easier to see during night games. Unfortunately, the white paint also made the pigskins more slick and league executives voted to return to the ball’s original design in 1976 after noticing a steady increase in incompletions. Although white stripes are no longer de rigueur in the NFL you can still see featured prominently on the footballs of nearly every other organized league, including the NCAA, the AFL and the CFL.

Monday, March 8, 2010

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The New Jersey Nets are offering free tax preparation for anyone who comes to a game. It’s an amazing deal if you don’t mind having your taxes prepared by Keyon Dooling.

Michael Jordan reportedly paid $175 million for the Bobcats. That’s just $175 more than the next highest bidder.

A record 52 players were moved at the NHL’s trade deadline. Unfortunately for them none of them were moved to other sports.

The Cubs have signed Cuban defector Juan Yasser Serrano. The 21-year-old must still pass a physical exam, although that shouldn’t be a problem for a man who swam all the way from Cuba to Miami.

The New York Knicks missed all 18 three pointers in a loss to the Nets. If there were such a thing as four pointers they probably would have missed a few of those too.

Rodney Stuckey caused a tremendous stir when he fainted during a game against the Cavs. You’d think by now Pistons fans would be used to dramatic collapses.

Georgetown's leading scorer Austin Freeman has been diagnosed with diabetes. Fortunately his long-term playing career should not be affected since, like most Hoyas, he probably won’t have one.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas is hoping to return to Cleveland. After all, it’s one of the few places in America where a guy who looks like Uncle Fester doesn’t stand out.

Nate Burleson announced on Twitter that he has joined the Detroit Lions. Burleson decided to forgo a press conference because he didn’t want everyone to see him cry.

Dodgers catcher Russell Martin is expected to miss the rest of Spring Training with a pulled groin. Something tells us he won’t miss it very much.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Top 10: Las Vegas Sporting Experiences

Las Vegas has always been an amazing place to play, but in recent years it has also become a sportsman’s paradise. From world-class golf courses to state-of-the-art racing speedways, this irresistible desert oasis is now brimming with venues and activities that are sure to get your pulse pounding. Find out for yourself why Vegas is always on the money by reading my article on the town's top 10 sporting experiences here.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Question of the Week

Gilmer, Kerrville, TX
Subj: Leading the way
Ryan, I’m curious which state produces the most NFL players? My uncle from Louisiana has a hang up that Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida put more players in the NFL than all other states, but I'm from Texas and I bet Texas is right up there with them. Do you know the answer?

I hate to mess with Texas, but the state with the most players currently in the NFL is California. According to a USA Football survey conducted last season, the Golden State has 206 of his native sons playing in the league, followed closely by Florida with 177 and Texas with 175. Rounding out the top ten are Ohio, Georgia, Louisiana, Pennsylvania, Virginia, South Carolina and Michigan. Incidentally, Miami leads all cities with 35 players while Canada leads all foreign countries with nine.

Monday, March 1, 2010

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Winter Olympics have finally concluded. Americans can now return to ignoring alpine skiing and bobsledding for the next four years.

The Memphis Grizzlies plan to send Hasheem Thabeet to D-League. Mainly because there isn’t an F-League.

Ron Artest hopes to lose 20 pounds of what he calls “useless weight.” He could start by cutting off his head.

Chipper Jones has promised he will walk away from baseball if he has another disappointing season. Sadly, the Nationals have refused to agree to the same deal.

White Sox pitcher Bobby Jenks has stopped drinking alcohol. The veteran hurler should be especially effective now that he’ll only be seeing one catcher.

The NCAA has accused Michigan’s football program of five major infractions. Six if you count losing to Appalachian State.

The mascot for the Kansas City Royals has been accused of poking a fan's eye out with a hotdog. Wait a second, the Royals have fans?

The NFL has declined to punish Raiders coach Tom Cable. After all, coaching the Raiders is punishment enough.

John Daly is giving away a pair of his signed underwear. As an added bonus the garment can easily be converted into a 4-person tent.

The Clippers have confirmed they are keeping Drew Gooden. It’s still unclear whether this qualifies as a hostage situation.

Cardinals reliever Ryan Franklin is upset that Major League Baseball has decided to ban guns in its clubhouses. And Chris Carpenter is upset that he has to share a locker next to Ryan Franklin.