Monday, April 20, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Cleveland Browns are looking to get rid of Brady Quinn, and by the sounds of it, 90 percent of their female fan base.

A 100-year-old woman from New Jersey has become the oldest competitor in the history of the United States Bowling Congress Women's Championships. And yet, she’s still far younger than the hot dogs being sold at most bowling alleys across the U.S.

Michael Vick is reportedly shopping a post-prison reality show. Something tells us it probably won’t be on Animal Planet.

The Marlins beat the Nationals to improve to 11-1, making them the first team in Major League history to have more wins than fans.

Celine Dion is on the verge of buying the Montreal Canadiens, because apparently just ruining music for everyone wasn’t enough.

Ken Griffey Jr. recently hit career home run No. 613 and his 400th as a Mariner. The veteran outfielder hopes to break another personal record later this week when he attempts to play in three consecutive games without snapping a hamstring.

Florida high school pitcher Patrick Schuster has thrown three straight no-hitters. Frankly, we had no idea high school teams were allowed to play against the Washington Nationals.

UConn big man Hasheem Thabeet has chosen to enter the NBA draft and will begin the process of interviewing agents soon. If the process is anything like his own interviews we imagine he’s in for a very awkward week.

The last place New York Islanders have won the NHL draft lottery and will have the first overall pick. Given their futility, they might want to start by picking another sport.

John Madden has announced his retirement after 30 years in the broadcast booth. In related news, Frank Caliendo is now available for yard work.

Eddy Curry plans to spend his summer in Motown in an attempt to lose weight. God knows, more than a few people have lost their appetite after seeing Detroit.