Not Your Average Joe

Joe Paterno may be gone, but he won’t be forgotten. The legendary Penn State coach leaves behind a treasure trove of quotes that are sure to inspire future generations of athletes. Here are five of my favorites:

“Success without honor is an unseasoned dish; it will satisfy your hunger, but it won't taste good.”

“Losing a game is heartbreaking. Losing your sense of excellence or worth is a tragedy.”

“The will to win is important, but the will to prepare is vital.”

“Publicity is like poison; it doesn't hurt unless you swallow it.”

“It’s the name on the front of the jersey that matters most, not the one on the back.”

Weighing in on Prince Fielder

Congratulations to Prince Fielder. The larger-than-life first baseman has become one of the wealthiest players in Major League history after signing a nine-year, $214 million deal. That may sound like a lot of money until you realize that Fielder spends $20 million a day on breakfast alone.

I don’t want to insinuate that Fielder is overweight, but the last time he saw 90210 was when he looked down on his bathroom scale.

Kudos to the Tigers. Not every team is willing to invest in a player whose cholesterol count is 500 points higher than his batting average. However, you do have to question the wisdom of signing a slugger whose strike zone is roughly the size of Wyoming.

Hopefully it will all work out. But if it doesn’t, at least the Tigers will be able to use Fielder’s jersey to cover the infield during rain delays.

Elsewhere in sports, I was sorry to hear about the passing of Joe Paterno. It’s sad news for Penn State and even sadder news for LensCrafters. Apparently JoePa was just two days away from buying his first new pair of glasses in 73 years.

You’ve been a lovely crowd. Good night!

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Shawn Kemp is on the verge of joining a professional team in Italy. The former Sonics star is already brushing up on his Italian by learning key phrases like “restaurant”, “train station” and “paternity suit”.

Yankees catcher Jorge Posada has opted to have season-ending shoulder surgery. It’s a shame he doesn’t play for the Nationals since their season ended months ago.

Bills' running back Marshawn Lynch won't be punished by the NFL for his involvement in a hit-and-run accident. In the end, the league felt that spending six months in Buffalo was punishment enough.

Diminutive Hall of Fame jockey Kent Desormeaux rode his 5,000th winner Sunday in the seventh race at Saratoga. Desormeaux plans to race for one more year before retiring and becoming a hood ornament.

Nets center Nenad Krstic is trying to decide between playing in New Jersey or Russia next season. One place is a socially backwards, culturally depraved wasteland and the other is the biggest country in the world.

All-Star shortstop Michael Young could miss up to a week after suffering a small fracture in his right ring finger. It’s believed to be the first time in franchise history that the Rangers and rings have been mentioned in the same sentence.

The Clippers have signed veteran Ricky Davis to a multiyear contract. The high-scoring swingman had an excellent season last year, shooting 43.3 percent from the floor, 40.5 percent on 3-pointers and 78.7 percent on his own basket.

Disgraced ex-NBA official Tim Donaghy has been sentenced to 15 months in prison for his involvement in a gambling scandal. On the positive side, Donaghy’s referee uniform should provide him with the perfect camouflage for surviving behind bars.

Tickets for the NBA preseason match up between the Miami Heat and the New Jersey Nets in London have sold out three months before the game. With any luck both teams might just stay there.

A new report has shown that since 2002, 46 Penn State football players have been charged with 163 criminal complaints. The team has run afoul of the law on so many occasions that Penn State now has more repeat offenders than the State Pen.