You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Ice Cube thinks the Lakers will win the NBA championship. Then again, he also thought it was a good idea to star in Are We There Yet?

Tiger Woods has agreed to play at a pro-am at Quail Hollow. Organizers are hoping he makes it through the weekend before he discovers that the pro doesn’t stand for “prostitute.”

Tiger Woods has confessed to cheating with as many as 120 women. And that was just on Tuesday morning.

A new study has found that it takes Prince Fielder 21 seconds to round the bases after hitting a homerun. That’s probably because he always stops at second base to have a snack.

Santonio Holmes has acknowledged making mistakes in Pittsburgh. And the biggest mistake was actually buying property there.

J.R. Smith has criticized the Nuggets for their selfish play. That’s a little bit like Tiger Woods criticizing you for your infidelity.

Tito Ortiz has been arrested for assaulting Jenna Jameson. This could be the first time in years that a story involving Jameson doesn’t feature a happy ending.

Scott Sicko has signed a free agent contract with the Cowboys. It’s something of a homecoming for the tight end since Dallas already has a number of sickos on their roster.

Most experts expect to see Stephen Strasburg in Washington by June. You’d have to be an expert to want to watch the Nationals that late in the season.

The family of Abe Pollin is close to selling the Washington Wizards. Little is known about the potential buyer aside from the fact it’s someone completely unfamiliar with the NBA.

Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland has apologized to Dez Bryant after asking if his mother was a prostitute. He also asked if he can have his $200 back.

China’s gymnastic team has been stripped of its bronze medal from the 2000 Olympics for using an underage girl. It sounds like China and Ben Roethlisberger have more in common than you’d think.

44-year-old kicker Jeff Feagles is expected to announce his retirement shortly. At his age he’s closer to kicking the bucket than he is to kicking a field goal.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Nate Robinson was arrested for driving without a license. As if that weren’t bad enough, the arresting officers also confiscated the three phone books he was sitting on.

Washington is trying to lower expectations for hard-throwing pitcher Stephen Strasburg. That shouldn’t be a problem since the Nationals and lowered expectations have always gone hand in hand.

The Sacramento Kings have promised Sean May $100,000 if he shows up to training camp weighing 265 pounds or less. Now comes the hard part: deciding whether to cut off his right leg or his left leg.

Stephon Marbury was recently spotted on film smoking weed. Then again, maybe that was just his career that was going up in smoke.

Kentucky Derby winner Mine That Bird is scheduled to undergo minor throat surgery. Apparently he was feeling a little hoarse.

Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett have decided to name their son Hank Baskett IV. The couple failed to explain why they’re naming him after a piece of medical equipment.

Quentin Richardson has been traded for the fourth time this off-season. On the positive side, he now has enough frequent flyer miles to circle the Moon.

The Phoenix Suns have signed forward Taylor Griffin. Right idea, wrong Griffin.

Oakland Raiders head coach Tom Cable allegedly had a violent physical altercation with defensive assistant Randy Hanson during a staff meeting. You know your team’s in trouble when your head coach is also your hardest hitter.

Monica Seles has released her first autobiography. It’s nice to hear she’s taking a stab at a new career.