You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Ice Cube thinks the Lakers will win the NBA championship. Then again, he also thought it was a good idea to star in Are We There Yet?

Tiger Woods has agreed to play at a pro-am at Quail Hollow. Organizers are hoping he makes it through the weekend before he discovers that the pro doesn’t stand for “prostitute.”

Tiger Woods has confessed to cheating with as many as 120 women. And that was just on Tuesday morning.

A new study has found that it takes Prince Fielder 21 seconds to round the bases after hitting a homerun. That’s probably because he always stops at second base to have a snack.

Santonio Holmes has acknowledged making mistakes in Pittsburgh. And the biggest mistake was actually buying property there.

J.R. Smith has criticized the Nuggets for their selfish play. That’s a little bit like Tiger Woods criticizing you for your infidelity.

Tito Ortiz has been arrested for assaulting Jenna Jameson. This could be the first time in years that a story involving Jameson doesn’t feature a happy ending.

Scott Sicko has signed a free agent contract with the Cowboys. It’s something of a homecoming for the tight end since Dallas already has a number of sickos on their roster.

Most experts expect to see Stephen Strasburg in Washington by June. You’d have to be an expert to want to watch the Nationals that late in the season.

The family of Abe Pollin is close to selling the Washington Wizards. Little is known about the potential buyer aside from the fact it’s someone completely unfamiliar with the NBA.

Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland has apologized to Dez Bryant after asking if his mother was a prostitute. He also asked if he can have his $200 back.

China’s gymnastic team has been stripped of its bronze medal from the 2000 Olympics for using an underage girl. It sounds like China and Ben Roethlisberger have more in common than you’d think.

44-year-old kicker Jeff Feagles is expected to announce his retirement shortly. At his age he’s closer to kicking the bucket than he is to kicking a field goal.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Chicago pitcher Ryan Dempster has predicted the Cubs will win the World Series. Upon hearing his statement Major League Baseball immediately made him pee into a cup.

LeBron James has signed a sponsorship agreement with State Farm insurance. It’s an appropriate choice for a guy who gets hit every time he drives.

Isiah Thomas is reportedly trying to deal injured point guard Stephon Marbury. Sadly, the only person foolish enough to trade for him is in fact Isiah Thomas.

Three gamblers were ejected from the stands of a women's tennis event in Antwerp because they were wagering on their laptops. What a shame. Someone finally found a way of making tennis interesting and they got tossed out for doing it.

Veteran punter Jeff Feagles has signed a two-year contract with the New York Giants. The length of the contract is unusual for a man who’s so old that his social security number is 1.

A new report suggests that Barry Bonds may have lied to Federal prosecutors. In related news authorities are now also beginning to suspect that there is no Tooth Fairy and that most mall Santas are actually just fat guys in red suits.

Beijing will close 153 gas stations and oil depots during this summer's Olympics to meet concerns over air pollution. The move is so drastic that if visitors want to get gas they’ll have to do it the old fashioned way by eating beans.

The Houston Rockets plan to unveil a monument honoring former star Hakeem Olajuwon on April 11. The statue is expected to be twice as mobile as Shaquille O’Neal.