What Were They Thinking?

On September 9, 2008, Lance Armstrong announced he would return to competitive cycling with the goal of winning the 2009 Tour de France. The indomitable Texan has since placed 29th in the Tour Down Under in Australia, had his bicycle stolen in Sacramento and had to withdraw from the Vuelta Castilla y León in Spain after breaking his collarbone. Sadly, Armstrong is hardly the first athlete to jeopardize his legacy by attempting an ill-advised comeback from retirement. Michael Jordan, Brett Favre and Muhammad Ali are among the other A-listers who sullied their reputations for another shot at glory. Click here to read my list of the top ten ill-advised comebacks in the sporting world.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at Tom Brady and Gisele, Tyler Hansbrough, Danica Patrick, Shaquille O’Neal, John Stockton, Greg Oden, Roger Federer, Lance Armstrong and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Shaquille O’Neal will miss the playoffs for the first time since 1993. Judging by his current weight that’s also the last time he missed a meal.

Renovations to Wrigley Field have been temporarily stalled. Luckily the Cubs should have plenty of time to work on the stadium in October when it’s completely vacant.

The San Diego Padres are now offering fans a special hot dog wrapped in bacon, stuffed with onions, tomatoes, and pinto beans, and served on a potato bun smothered in mayonnaise and jalapeno sauce. It’s the perfect snack for fans who love hot dogs but don’t want to live to see the seventh inning.

Ricky Rubio’s family is reportedly in favor of him entering the NBA draft this year. Obviously Ricky Rubio’s family has never seen the Sacramento Kings.

Darko Milicic has said he would like to play in Greece... or anywhere else where fans don't know he was picked ahead of Carmelo Anthony and Dwayne Wade.

Many Scots are turning to a brand new sport called Extreme Sheepherding. Of course, the truly extreme part is what they do to the sheep once they actually catch them.

The Columbus Blue Jackets are going to the playoffs for the first time in franchise history. Both of the team’s fans are delighted.

Andrew Bynum had 16 points in his return with the Lakers. The last time he scored that easily was at the Playboy Mansion.

St. Louis ace Chris Carpenter threw a one-hitter in a dazzling start against Pittsburgh. And just like that, the Pirates have used up all of their hits for the season.

Five Chinese swimmers have been banned two years each for doping with a powerful horse drug. When asked for a comment, all five swimmers responded "Neigh."

Boston University staged a miracle rally by scoring two goals in the final minute to win the NCAA Hockey Championship. Of course, the real miracle is that we're even discussing college hockey.

Roger Federer recently married longtime girlfriend Mirka Vavrinec. It's a risky proposition since love means nothing to him.

The Beasts of the East

As the NBA season has progressed, it's become clear that the Cleveland Cavaliers possess the balance, leadership and depth to capture their first championship in franchise history. Click here to read my latest article about these true Beasts of the East.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at Dontrelle Willis, Gary Sheffield, Mike Piazza, LeBron James, Jason Kidd, Allen Iverson, Andrew Bynum, Charles Barkley, Tyreke Evans, Michael Vick and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

North Carolina guard Ty Lawson reportedly won $250 at a Detroit casino. Sadly, that makes him the fifth richest person in the city.

Experts believe Tarheels center Tyler Hansbrough has dropped 35 positions in the draft over the last four years. And that’s just the WNBA draft.

The Mets triple A affiliate is offering free tickets to all unemployed fans. We’re not sure what’s more demeaning; being told you’re not good enough to keep your job or having to watching an entire team of baseball players who were told the same thing.

Allen Iverson has said he would rather retire than come off the bench. Some people will do anything to get out of spending time with Kwame Brown.

The 49ers are uncertain about drafting Matthew Stafford because he was reluctant to talk about his parents' divorce. Luckily he did redeem himself slightly by participating in a big group hug and singing a rousing rendition of kumbaya.

A new poll has found that baseball fans want the use of instant replay expanded. In related news, a new poll has found that baseball fans want the use of instant replay expanded.

Former QB Jeff George is reportedly trying to figure out how to get back in the NFL. At this stage in his career he might want to try buying a ticket.

Danica Patrick's season got off to a rough start after she crashed in the Honda Grand Prix. On the positive side, she did learn a very valuable lesson about trying to apply her make up at 200 miles per hour.

Las Vegas bookies are predicting the New York Yankees will win 95.5 games this year. The .5 comes from simply showing up against the Kansas City Royals.

San Diego ace Jake Peavy threw five more shutout innings to finish spring training with a 0.00 ERA. The only way his spring could have been any more perfect is if he hadn’t spent it with the Padres.

Churchill Downs wants to experiment with night racing at its upcoming spring meet. The idea is expected to meet with considerable opposition since most jockeys have a strict 8:00 bedtime.

Boston College defensive tackle B.J. Raji reportedly failed a drug test at the NFL combine. It sounds like someone is trying awfully hard to get the attention of the Bengals.

Question of the Week

Michael, Flemington, NJ
Subj: Getting defensive
I’ve had plenty of arguments with friends, but I believe the 86 NY Giants had the best defense ever. Others tend to point to the 85 Bears and the 2000 Ravens. Who is your choice and why?

It’s hard to find fault with your selections, Michael, although my personal vote goes to the 1976 Pittsburgh Steelers. The dreaded Steel Curtain was loaded with Hall of Fame talent like Mean Joe Greene, Jack Lambert, Jack Ham and Mel Blount as well as bruising hitters like J.T. Thomas, L.C. Greenwood, Glen Edwards and Mike Wagner, all of whom were selected to that year’s Pro Bowl team. Given their incredible personnel it’s easy to see how Pittsburgh ranked fourth or better in nine key defensive categories while also holding opponents to a paltry 28 points during their final nine regular season games. In fact, the Steelers’ defense was so dominant that Greene was famous for frequently telling the offense “You guys hold-'em, and we’ll score!" as they came off the field.