Monday, July 16, 2007

You've Got To Be Joking

Kick back as you enjoy this week's sports shorts.

68 percent of voters polled by China Daily want Yi Jianlian to sign with the Bucks. The poll proves two things: 1) Chinese citizens believe strongly in Jianlian’s ability to flourish in the NBA and 2) They’ve obviously never been to Milwaukee.

Antoine Walker and a relative were bound at gunpoint while multiple robbers took a car, cash and jewelry from his Chicago home. It was a particularly terrifying incident because, unlike Walker, the robbers could actually shoot straight.

Longtime major league umpire Shag Crawford has died at the age of 90. On the positive side, there should be no shortage of major league managers willing to kick dirt on his coffin.

Los Angeles Lakers draft pick Marc Gasol has announced he plans on staying in Spain. That’s odd. Usually players meet with Kobe Bryant before wanting to leave the country.

The Carolina Panthers have signed Philippe Gardent, a former member of the French national bobsled team. The signing is expected to come in handy should the Panthers win the Super Bowl and Hell freezes over.

David Wells has been suspended for seven games for his animated argument with an umpire. It could have been worse. He could have eaten him.

Wrigley has signed a deal with the National Basketball Association making it the Official Chewing Gum of the NBA. The partnership is ironic given the fact that half the players in the league can’t walk and chew gum at the same time.

The New York Mets have designated 48-year-old infielder Julio Franco for assignment. It’s still unclear whether his assignment will be in the Minor Leagues or in a nursing home.

The Philadelphia Phillies have become the first club in Major League history to lose 10,000 games. Incidentally, that’s also how many games Tom Glavine may need to pitch before collecting his 300th win.

French long jumper Salim Sdiri was accidentally hit with a javelin at an athletics meet in Rome. It’s believed to be the first time in history that a track and field event has included a hole in one.

Astros manager Phil Garner has said he’s willing to use voodoo to get into the head of Cubs' righthander Carlos Zambrano. Why bother? All Michael Barrett needed was his right fist.