Monday, August 27, 2007

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week's sports shorts.

Former Pittsburgh Steelers runningback Jerome Bettis has claimed that he faked a knee injury in 2000 to avoid being cut from the team. And who says athletes can’t act?

A damaged black Lamborghini registered to Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs was found abandoned alongside the Edens Expressway on the city's North Side. Unfortunately for Bears fans, the body of quarterback Rex Grossman was not in it.

Sonics center Robert Swift estimates that tattoo artists put in 120 hours of work decorating his body with new designs. Unfortunately for Seattle fans that’s still 115 more hours than he put towards his low post moves and free throw shooting.

David Beckham got in a shouting match with Chivas midfielder Jesse Marsch, after he delivered a roundhouse kick to the England star's midriff. Only in America could the best soccer fights be on the field instead of the stands.

Red Sox reliever Jonathan Papelpon has revealed his latest new pitch: a combination cutter and slider that he calls a slutter. We can only hope for his sake that Alyssa Milano hasn’t already copyrighted the term.

Barry Bonds was honored in San Francisco recently when the mayor presented him with the key to the city. Next up? A visit to the Wizard to finally get a heart.

Mavericks owner Mark Cuban will become the next cast member of Dancing With the Stars. It should be nice to see him use his feet for a change rather than putting them in his mouth.

The Houston Rockets have made a contract offer to defensive specialist Dikembe Mutombo. The offer is for one year or six points, whichever comes first.