Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.
It was a busy day in Pittsburgh where Sidney Crosby and his teammates hand-delivered season tickets to fans. Meanwhile, elsewhere across town, members of the Pirates coaching staff were also spotted going door-to-door delivering their resumes.
Lance Armstrong has announced that he’ll compete in one more Tour de France. His declaration come as a surprise to many insiders since the last thing he rode to victory was an Olsen twin.
Tampa Bay quarterback Jeff Garcia sprained an ankle during the Buccaneers' season-opening loss at New Orleans and is iffy for this week's home game. That’s a nice upgrade from last year when he was iffy all season long.
Pittsburgh Pirates shortstop Jack Wilson will likely miss the remainder of the season because of a fracture in his right index finger. Unfortunately for Wilson, that’s the same finger he uses to change the channel when Pittsburgh Pirates highlights come on the TV.
Shaquille O’Neal has revealed he plans to quit playing professional basketball in two more years. Rims around the league are already breathing a sigh of relief.
Runningback Ricky Williams reportedly negotiated his own contract extension with Bill Parcells and the Miami Dolphins. That certainly explains why it was written on a Zig Zag rolling paper.
A physicist says that Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt could have run the 100 meters in 9.55 seconds at the Olympics if he hadn’t slowed down to showboat. Ironically, the same physicist could have published his report two weeks earlier if he hadn’t stopped to brag about his results to his colleagues.
An all-white jury has been selected in O.J. Simpson's upcoming kidnapping trial. The judge had tried to select a jury of Simpsons peers, but he couldn’t find 12 unconvicted murderers on such short notice.
Redskins tight end Chris Cooley accidentally exposed his genitalia in a picture posted on his personal website. We always suspected Cooley was nutty, but now we have the photo documentation to prove it.
A group of Chivas USA soccer players accidentally dropped goalkeeper Zach Thornton while carrying him off the field on a stretcher. That’s what happens when you don’t let players use their hands.
What’s the difference between the Mets bullpen and a hooker? A hooker usually gets down on her knees before she blows something.