Monday, September 8, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Tom Brady could miss the rest of the season after being hit on the left leg by Chiefs safety Bernard Pollard. On the positive side, two months of bed rest isn’t quite so daunting when that bed features Gisele Bundchen.

Stephon Marbury's cousin has written an autobiography ripping the Knicks guard for his selfish me-first attitude. Marbury has said he doesn't mind the criticism, he's just upset he isn't on the cover.

Magic center Dwight Howard reportedly used 189,000 gallons of water in July. If you spent that much time around Kobe Bryant you’d want to take a lot of showers too.

Dodgers second baseman Jeff Kent had arthroscopic surgery on his left knee yesterday. The procedure took only 20 minutes, but doctors reported that Kent’s whining made it feel like three hours.

Carmelo Anthony will throw out the first pitch at a Baltimore Orioles game this Sunday. The Nuggets forward will also be available to throw out the first punch in the event of a bench-clearing brawl.

Bulgaria’s women's hockey team lost to Croatia yesterday by a score of 82-0. Just to clarify, they were playing against the country’s women’s hockey team and not, in fact, the entire country.

Oklahoma City's new NBA franchise will be called the Thunder. The name was chosen over Absolute Zero, another meteorological term which instead will be used to refer to the team's win total.

A New Jersey man has been arrested for impersonating Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain. Authorities first suspected he was a fraud when he went an entire week without getting injured.

An Illinois kindergartner made history yesterday by hitting a hole in one. Sadly his victory was short-lived when he had to lay down five year's worth of allowance to buy a round of drinks in the clubhouse.

A teleconference between the media and Central Florida football coach George O'Leary was canceled Monday because school officials accidentally gave the number for a phone sex line instead of the teleconference number. Members of the media initially became suspicious since the answer to every one of their questions was “Yes, yes, YES!!!”

NBA rookies Mario Chalmers and Darrell Arthur were tossed out of a seminar on the importance of character and image after league officials discovered women and marijuana in their hotel room. On the positive side, the two players are expected to pass their upcoming seminar on irony with flying colors.

Newly acquired Detroit running back Rudi Johnson claims former Detroit running back Tatum Bell stole two of his bags from the team’s locker room. Most players usually have to spend at least one week with the Lions before experiencing their first loss.