Monday, November 3, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Chris Berman will interview Senator John McCain at halftime of Monday Night Football. Although McCain never played the sport he did letter in chariot racing during high school.

Shaquille O’Neal recently called Kobe Bryant the best player in the NBA. The league is expected to test his urine immediately.

C.C. Sabathia has filed for free agency. The veteran pitcher is expected to get at least $20 million, or as he calls it, lunch money.

The Raiders are reportedly interested in signing quarterback Michael Vick. Luckily for him, Oakland is one of the few places in America where a prison record is practically a job requirement.

The Thunder picked up their first victory in franchise history with an 88-85 win over the Timberwolves. Folks in Oklahoma City haven’t been this excited since the town got electricity.

Fox is weighing whether to assign reporter Danyelle Sargent to more NFL games. Perhaps they should give Bill Walsh a call and see what he thinks.

Unemployed quarterback Daunte Culpepper spent the day with the Detroit Lions. That should certainly cure him of his desire to ever play football again.

John Daly was held overnight in a North Carolina jail after passing out at a Hooters. According to observers, Daly first began drinking heavily when he realized he had the biggest boobs in the restaurant.

Matt Leinart has said that he isn’t concerned about losing playing time to Kurt Warner. Of course, that could just be the booze talking.

The New York Mets are thinking of signing free agent reliever J.J. Putz. It’s a surprising development considering that their bullpen is already overflowing with putzes.

Paula Radcliffe won the New York City Marathon with a time of two hours, 23 minutes, and 56 seconds. The 40-year-old Cheshire native probably could have finished even sooner if she wasn’t mugged three times down the stretch.

Eddy Curry has failed to crack the Knicks starting rotation after an abysmal preseason. Given his enormous weight gain, it’s the only thing he hasn’t cracked this year.

Lance Armstrong won the individual time trial of the 25th annual Tour de Gruene. Apparently riding an Olsen Twin really can get you in good shape.