Monday, November 17, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Barack Obama intends to build a basketball court inside the White House. It will mark the first time someone has played with their balls in the building since Bill Clinton lived there.

Detroit could be in danger of losing the Lions. Luckily the team’s fans already know a thing or two about coping with loss.

A new medical report has revealed that rookie forward Danilo Gallinari has a bloated bulging disc in his back. It’s certainly not the first time the words “bloated” and “bulging” have been used to describe a New York Knick.

49ers star Frank Gore has been diagnosed with a mild neck tinge. The runningback has blamed the injury on his habit of abruptly looking away every time Mike Singletary drops his pants.

Michael Vick has said he hopes to return to the NFL as early as next season. In fact, the troubled QB assured reporters he’s working like a dog just to get ready.

The New York Yankees intend to “blow away” C.C. Sabathia with a huge contract offer. It’s a refreshing tactic for a team that in recent years has simply blown.

Former Ohio State offensive linemen T.J. Downing was recently arrested for pot possession. In his defense, he thought they were just buckeyes.

The Seattle Mariners have come up with a list of seven candidates to be their next GM. The team plans to go with who ever selects the shortest straw.

The Denver Broncos have signed free agent runningback Tatum Bell. Bell is expected to join the team as soon as he can find his luggage… or, failing that, someone else’s.

The Cavaliers plan to make a run at Vince Carter. Given the way his skills have deteriorated they may not have to run very fast.

A teenage girl is suing her school after she was forced to play football in gym class. It could have been worse; she could have been forced to watch the Bengals.

Reds pitcher Edinson Volquez finished fourth in the Rookie of the Year voting even though he’s not technically a rookie. In related news, Tigers outfielder Gary Sheffield finished tenth in the Humanitarian of the Year voting even though he’s not technically a human.

Jerry Jones says he “absolutely” believes Dallas will make the playoffs. Unfortunately for football fans he was referring to the Mavericks.