Monday, June 29, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Former Dodgers pitcher Darren Dreifort's recently underwent his 22nd surgery. You know your career is in jeopardy when you’ve been poked and prodded more than Alyssa Milano.

Gisele Bundchen is reportedly pregnant with Tom Brady’s child. The fetus is expected to be signed to a major deal later this week.

The University of Florida has announced that its 2009-10 athletic budget will be $89 million. The number is somewhat misleading, however, as $59 million of that will go directly towards paying off NCAA officials.

Dirk Nowitzki has said he would like to have a family, but it won’t be easy to win his heart. No surprise there. With Dirk Nowitzki on your team it’s not easy to win anything.

President Barack Obama has agreed to throw out the first pitch before the Major League Baseball All-Star game at Busch Stadium. Just hearing the words “president” and “Busch” together again is starting to make us nauseous.

Detroit Shock forward Plenette Pierson is expected to be out for the rest of the season after shoulder surgery. On the positive side, at least she no longer has to watch women’s basketball every night.

Cleveland Indians manager Eric Wedge has already lost 25 pounds this season. It’s nice to know that his ability to lose big extends beyond the diamond.

Magglio Ordonez has ended his homerun drought after cutting his hair. The Tigers outfielder hopes to improve his batting average next by shaving his back.

France's anti-doping crusaders are stockpiling needles for testing blood at this year Tour de France. It’s nice to know Lance Armstrong won’t be the only prick at the event.

Shaquille O’Neal plans to wear his collegiate number 33 with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Unfortunately for the Cavs, Shaq has no intention of revisiting his collegiate waistline.

Mets manager Jerry Manuel believes the team needs to acquire a big bat and, if possible, a player who won’t get injured when trying to swing it.