Friday, September 18, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

A new study has found that Cheerleading accounts for 65% of all female catastrophic injuries in high school and college. As if that weren’t bad enough, it also accounts for nearly 100% of the carpal tunnel cases among teenage boys.

O.J. Simpson is reportedly depressed and despondent. He must have finally seen his performance in The Towering Inferno.

Tommy Lasorda will have his painting put up in the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery in Washington. At 82 years old, it might be the last chance he gets to be well hung.

Notre Dame will honor its 1940s teams at Saturday's game against Michigan State. Given their current fortunes, the Irish might want to see if some of those players are still eligible to play.

Blake Griffin is currently selling $35 baseball caps with the word "Work" embossed across the front. Ironically that’s precisely what Clippers employees will be looking for if Griffin doesn’t pan out.

Greg Ostertag has expressed interest in playing professional basketball again. That rules out the Knicks.

Famed amputee runner Oscar Pistorius has been charged with assault. When asked what happened Pistorius said he was stumped.

The NHL preseason has officially begun. We promise to wake you when it’s over.

No. 1 NBA draft pick Blake Griffin has been cleared to work out with the Los Angeles Clippers. The announcement comes as a surprise to many observers who had no idea the Clippers actually practiced.

The Yankees plan to cut prices on some of their most expensive tickets in 2010. Fans will now only have to sell one kidney in order to see a game.

The Eagles have released receiver Hank Baskett. It was an especially difficult decision for the team since it also meant parting ways with Kendra Wilkinson.