You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

A new study has found that Cheerleading accounts for 65% of all female catastrophic injuries in high school and college. As if that weren’t bad enough, it also accounts for nearly 100% of the carpal tunnel cases among teenage boys.

O.J. Simpson is reportedly depressed and despondent. He must have finally seen his performance in The Towering Inferno.

Tommy Lasorda will have his painting put up in the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery in Washington. At 82 years old, it might be the last chance he gets to be well hung.

Notre Dame will honor its 1940s teams at Saturday's game against Michigan State. Given their current fortunes, the Irish might want to see if some of those players are still eligible to play.

Blake Griffin is currently selling $35 baseball caps with the word "Work" embossed across the front. Ironically that’s precisely what Clippers employees will be looking for if Griffin doesn’t pan out.

Greg Ostertag has expressed interest in playing professional basketball again. That rules out the Knicks.

Famed amputee runner Oscar Pistorius has been charged with assault. When asked what happened Pistorius said he was stumped.

The NHL preseason has officially begun. We promise to wake you when it’s over.

No. 1 NBA draft pick Blake Griffin has been cleared to work out with the Los Angeles Clippers. The announcement comes as a surprise to many observers who had no idea the Clippers actually practiced.

The Yankees plan to cut prices on some of their most expensive tickets in 2010. Fans will now only have to sell one kidney in order to see a game.

The Eagles have released receiver Hank Baskett. It was an especially difficult decision for the team since it also meant parting ways with Kendra Wilkinson.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Spain's Carlos Sastre won the Tour de France on Sunday. Maybe now he can finally afford a car.

A fan was injured after plunging 25 feet from the handrails of an escalator at Shea Stadium during a game between Washington and New York. Unlike the Nationals, the man is expected to survive.

Tampa Bay Rays minor league pitcher Matthew Walker has been suspended 50 games by Major League Baseball after testing positive for an amphetamine. In his defense, you almost need to be on speed to stay awake for an entire minor league game.

Hawks star Josh Childress has signed a three year deal with Greek club Olympiakos. The 6-8 forward is expected to earn $20 million, which doesn’t even include the hundreds of dollars in heated pennies that will be flung at him every time he misses a shot.

NFL draft pick Caleb Campbell will not get a chance to play for the Detroit Lions because of a change in military policy. In the end, the US Army felt he would be far safer in Iraq than in a war zone like Detroit.

Alyssa Milano says she’s done dating baseball players. In related news, half of the Dodgers are now planning to switch to basketball.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers running back Warrick Dunn is working on his first book. Reading it, not writing it.

The Philadelphia Eagles cheerleaders are the first girls to produce their annual calendar on eco-friendly, recycled paper. That should go a long way in offsetting the 37 cans of aerosol hairspray they use before each home game.

50-year-old Hall of Famer Nancy Lieberman recorded two assists for the Detroit Shock in a loss to the Houston Comets. We’re confused. We thought the WNBA’s slogan was “Expect Great,” not “Expect Great Grandmothers.”

New reports suggest that former NBA referee Tim Donaghy is likely to face hard time. Then again, he’s watched the Knicks play dozens of times, so how hard could it really be?

Pacers point guard Jamaal Tinsley has reportedly lost 20 pounds during the off season. That’s one benefit of always running away from the law.

A group of Eagles fans recently paid tribute to Brett Favre by burning the Packers' legend in effigy. Fittingly, even the effigy is now threatening a comeback.

Question of the Week

Debra, Lanham, MD
Subj: Cheerleaders
Does every time in the NFL have cheerleaders and if not, which teams don't?

Superb question Debra. Sadly there are seven misguided teams in the NFL that do not employ cheerleaders. They include the Chicago Bears, the Green Bay Packers, the Detroit Lions, the Pittsburgh Steelers, the Cleveland Browns, the New York Jets and the New York Giants. In the case of the New York Giants, team officials have resisted hiring cheerleaders in order to make fans focus on the game itself. As for Pittsburgh, I’m going to have to assume the team couldn’t find 25 attractive women within the city limits. At any rate, you can rest assured that I’m presently lobbying my congressman to see what he can do to end this sad travesty.